Oh, I can’t believe it. Your essay was full of grammatical mistakes and there was
no introduction at all. Besides, I’m not sure I agree with the second point you
made. You should try to be positive. You ended your essay with a nice
conclusion, though. I quite enjoyed reading it. Oh, there were also tenses and
spelling problems. There are some words/phrases that I did not understand.
Well, your essay was not too bad after all.