I really do wish I could have a good cry sometimes, but it's very difficult for me. Started int he Army so I blame all the CS exposure. At least I became a champ in the gas chamber, made an E6 or E7 in another unit mad at me because I asked why his gas was weak when we broke the seal on our masks. When he ordered me to take off my mask and do push ups I began doing them with as much enthusiasm as I could mange till he told be to get the hell out of his chamber. But no one ever has you go to a CS chamber in the civilian world so all I got is the inability to express distress.