On the other hand, there is a different kind of abuse in intimate relationships
called “situational” or “common couple violence.” Any kind of aggression or violence
in a relationship is unhealthy and can harm adults and children. But situational couple
violence is not as severe and dangerous as intimate partner terrorism. It involves things
like pushing, shoving, kicking, slapping, shouting, name-calling, etc., and it appears that
it does not escalate to more severe aggression.95 Situational couple violence often comes
when someone is experiencing a lot of stress about something. Men and women appear
to do it in equal amounts, although men do more damage and their aggression tends to
create fear in the relationship.96 This abuse seems to be more about ineffective problemsolving
skills rather than power or control. And as people get older this kind of abuse
usually decreases, suggesting that immaturity is a factor. Thus, as people become more
mature and as they learn better problem-solving skills, this kind of aggression appears to
decrease. If this kind of aggression exists in your marriage, you and your spouse can learn
to solve your problems more effectively. As you do so, and as violence is eliminated, you
may be able to avoid divorce. (See chapter 2 about resources to improve your problemsolving
skills and relationship.)
On the other hand, there is a different kind of abuse in intimate relationships
called “situational” or “common couple violence.” Any kind of aggression or violence
in a relationship is unhealthy and can harm adults and children. But situational couple
violence is not as severe and dangerous as intimate partner terrorism. It involves things
like pushing, shoving, kicking, slapping, shouting, name-calling, etc., and it appears that
it does not escalate to more severe aggression.95 Situational couple violence often comes
when someone is experiencing a lot of stress about something. Men and women appear
to do it in equal amounts, although men do more damage and their aggression tends to
create fear in the relationship.96 This abuse seems to be more about ineffective problemsolving
skills rather than power or control. And as people get older this kind of abuse
usually decreases, suggesting that immaturity is a factor. Thus, as people become more
mature and as they learn better problem-solving skills, this kind of aggression appears to
decrease. If this kind of aggression exists in your marriage, you and your spouse can learn
to solve your problems more effectively. As you do so, and as violence is eliminated, you
may be able to avoid divorce. (See chapter 2 about resources to improve your problemsolving
skills and relationship.)
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