Debut."
The word was like a double-edged sword decorated in gold and laced with poison. And right now, it felt as though someone had aimed the weapon at my heart, right at an exposed crevice in it's surface, and proceeded to ram it inside. The pain spilled over in little waves, an agonising throb trickling through my veins.
And I stood there, with that dreadful sword sticking out from my chest, clad in my punctured armour of careful smiles. Looking back, the vision of her came piling back in my dreams, on a broken repeat. And the memory of us singed every enjoyable moment onwards, over and over again.
For the first time, I doubted myself.
Where was my promised flower path?
2.
The night was cold.
I walked down the quiet streets, snuggling into the thin scarf around my neck for warmth, listening to my footfalls. It was funny how everything looked different when plunged in darkness and especially tonight, the familiar streets seemed particularly foreign. There was something about the roads, the way they were drenched in splashes of dimly-illuminated orange; the street-lamps gave beckoning bows, as though inviting me to step into their modest circles of light.
And there was something about the trees, the way they reached out to touch the sky. The night had coloured their branches and leaves into pitch, and it became hard to discern whether or not I was staring at a piece of the night-sky or an overhead of thick dark leaves. The way everything was... it felt like I was seeing it all for the first time again.
I paused at the start of the bridge, my feet stopping before the part where the pavement began to curve and rise. Turning around, I approached the railings and peered into the unlit river. There was nothing I could see--it was like a void--but I could hear the waves lapping against the thick columns beneath me.
It sounded nice.
And it echoed throughout the evening quietude, save for the usual background noise.
I pushed my hands off the cool railings, continuing onwards.
There was no mistaking it, the night was cold.
I shivered under the merger protection of my red skull pullover, squinting my eyes at the chilly wind that had suddenly burst through. In an attempt to find warmth, I brought the hoodie over my head and stuffed my hands--which had gone numb--into the generous pockets of my pullover. I wished I had brought an extra jacket.
I stopped again, inhaling deeply.
Then, a sour chuckle slipped past my lips.
What am I doing?
It was not that hard really, to turn around and head back into the comfort of the dorm. All the girls would be there, precious smiles painted across their faces as they welcomed me back. Mina would be there, asking again for permission if she could eat a snack (poor girl--but I understood). And there will be warmth, and there will be love and care...
Perhaps, that was why I found myself so attached to them.
And Chungha--
At that, I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, pushing away the thought.
Yes, tonight was oh so very cold.