In this study, two processes seem to favour this type of widening out. The first is directly related to the extent to which the dependent loved one recovers. Widening out is facilitated when the caregiver believes that their loved one has reached a certain level of autonomy or when the caregiver is sure that his/her loved one can remain safely at home. The second process depends more on the caregiver redefining himself/herself as a caregiver, setting new priorities and attaining a greater level of trust in allowing caregiving to become a part of his/her life, without feeling permanently enslaved to a schedule and to the dependent loved one. Nevertheless, there has been much resistance to existing respite care programmes. Many caregivers that need respite care do not ask for it (Exel et al. 2008). Not wanting to leave their relatives’ care to others and thinking that relatives will not enjoy being cared for by strangers are possible explanations (Exel et al. 2008). In a study of caregivers for those with dementia, Cuesta-Benjumea (2009) shed some light onto this theme: for caregivers to rest, they need tranquillity. If caregivers do not feel safe or tranquil, they will not rest, no matter what programmes they may be offered. This is because resting means being able to switch oneself off, which implies being at peace with oneself and with others.
Time is a necessary but not the sole condition for the inner re-orientation that allows caregivers to widen out, as Paula, a participant in this study, acknowledges: ‘Even today, after two and a half years have passed, I feel… I think I’m more and more lost, that’s what I think. It has been two years since I’ve taken a holiday. Well, I do, but it does not feel like it, does it?’ Wolpe (2004, p. 42) reinforces this notion that the main issues caregivers face in this phase do not have to do with the number of hours they spend providing care but with the tremendous inner struggle they experience: ‘What resentments am I allowed to have without being uncaring? (…) What can I demand for myself without being egocentric? What can I dream of without being unrealistic?’