Declan,
Why? What void are you trying to fill that compels you to think the entire university faculty needs to read your disjointed and self-aggrandizing rants? What have you contributed by sending this discursive, tangential, and anecdotal account of your conversation with one student? How does the fact that you're Irish relate to any of this? How is your act of writing this email going to contribute--well--anything?
All these questions aside, one more remains. What makes you think you can make an offensive and thinly veiled sexual metaphor about you PhD thesis to one of our colleagues? That's out of line. It's public harassment. It exposes you as the person those emoticons were trying to mask. I won't tolerate behavior like that and nor should the university. It's beyond unprofessional. It's just being an lousy person. Congratulations on your PhD and using it as poorly as anyone could imagine.
Best,
Jake