In Turkey we can always find a reason to buy and receive gifts. Bayrams (public holidays), religious ceremonies and weddings are some of these.
We can start with religious Bayrams, Eid for example. At these times giving a gift is a must. Turkish families try to buy the best clothes for their children at this special religious event. When I was little I remember waiting impatiently for Bayram morning to wear my new shoes and skirts. As a Muslim country we don’t celebrate Christmas but recently Turkish people have started to buy presents for the New Year.
Then come the wedding ceremonies. In Turkey, getting to the wedding ceremony is a long process. There are three parts and we give presents at each one: the boy’s family asks permission from the girl’s family; an engagement party to announce to the parents and friends; then the henna party for the future bride’s friends and finally the wedding! At the wedding we give gold coins to the couple. We have three types of coin: small, medium and big. Which one should we pick? Easy…for example if you are the groom’s father’s friend buy the small one, if you are a relative choose the medium one and if you are a close childhood friend get the big one! If you are a colleague choose the big one and share the cost with your other colleagues.
Next, newborn baby presents. Family is the most important thing in Turkish society so a newborn is an occasion to give a gift. Normally we visit the family’s house and give money or baby clothes. We also give gifts to boys at their circumcision feasts, young men leaving their home for military duty (sometimes gold coins like at a wedding) and for birthdays. For us birthdays are important and should be remembered with a gift. Depending on your relationship you can buy clothes, mobile phones, jewels for women, electronic items for men, books and definitely toys for the kids.
When you enter the house the first thing you immediately do is hand over the gift. The person who received the gift will never wait until the guest has gone. They should open it in front of the giver, thank and tell them how much they like the gift. If it is a birthday party he/she will open it after the cake with the other gifts.
For weddings we have a special ceremony to open the gifts. Normally the couple will come to your table to welcome you and at that moment you should give your gift (the gold coin). The bride has a little white bag where you can leave the gold coin, or you pin it on her dress (some brides even wear a special white or red ribbon where you can pin the coins).
The return gift is a must in Turkey, especially at weddings, for newborn babies and circumcision feasts. If someone buys a medium coin for your wedding then you should return the same size for his or her wedding. If you buy the little coin, it won’t be a problem of course but they will think that your relationship is not strong like before, or maybe you have a problem with the groom.
In Turkey we follow a lot of unwritten rules when buying presents. Personally, sometimes I like these rules. It makes gift buying easier; on the other hand it means I am not using my imagination any more.
Yes like always the medallion has two sides:
black and white,
the yin and yang,
husband’s friend and small coin,
newborn baby and big coin..!