You fulfill my dreams and what I always thought and was telling my friends and you can ask them: I was telling that God sends me a lot of difficulties in my life and makes me unhappy just to see if I am loyal and thankful to Him always or if I can forget Him and be the worst person by unhappiness, if I lose my quality from sadness and may be if I am driving to bad unforgivable ways. I said then that I believed He is tasting me so much just because a great gift is coming behind all this for me and I must be the worthy to receive it. Of course my friends were smiling thinking that I give consolation to myself and did not respond to me by love and respect. Believe me or not, this was my idea for years and many times in my life after much sadness something very good was happening to me but never a good woman or even a good person like you in my life. The most of my life I was trying to have too much action in various activities just not having the time to think I am totally alone in life.