When they arrive at the bride’s house, the groom and his party are met by the bride's relatives where a silver door and a gold door are set up and closed. These doors are just lines of silver and gold bells stretched across the door way to prevent the groom entering before he is granted permission. The groom will be allowed to go inside only after he drinks with the bride’s relatives and pays them to open the doors and after their customary questions such as: “Where did you come from? What did you come here for? What did you bring with you?” etc. are answered. So… extensive bargaining, questioning and drinking takes place here which is another fun part of the Laos wedding.
The groom doesn’t have to answer the questions because the elder relatives will do all the talking and answering for him. The elders from both sides talk in a customary, polite and friendly way which doesn’t have to be real. All the groom has to do is to drink his way through and give some money to the door attendants. This is like an entry fee but it doesn’t have to be much and the money would already have been prepared for him by his relatives. When he has paid and they are satisfied with the small money gift they will allow him to step through.
Laos Wedding - baci
Baci - the tying of white strings on the wrists of the bride and the groom
However, it’s not finished yet. Before he can enter the house he has to have his feet washed by the bride’s younger sister or the female relative of the bride who is younger than she is. The groom has to give a money gift to the person and then he can enter the house.
The groom is met at the door and led by a female relative of the bride to the pha khoun, where the baci ceremony will be taking place. Once he is settled in, the bride is led to the pha khoun from her room by another elder female relative. She is seated on the left side of the groom with the parents and relatives of both sides sitting nearby. During the seating process the bride’s relatives and friends will give her a slight push to make her to lean on the groom unintentionally, and the other party will try to push the groom the same way. It is believed that the first to touch the other one in this ceremony will have more power over the other party in their married lives.
After everyone is settled in, the baci or sou khuan ceremony begins. This involves the chanting by the master of ceremony (mor phon), the egg feeding (the bride and the groom feed each other an egg) and the tying of white strings on wrists to unite the couple. At the end of the baci, the elder relatives lead the couple to somma (a customary asking for forgiveness and thanking of parents and elder relatives of both parties). This process involves the giving of small money gifts (wrapped inside banana leaves, together with flowers and a pair of candles). During this ceremony, the elders, including the parents and relatives of both parties, give the couple good wishes.
Laos Wedding - bride and groom somma elder
The bride and the groom somma their parents
The Laos wedding ceremony ends with the sending of the couple to their room. The elder female relative will lead the groom to the room and the bride follows behind. Traditionally, the couple is supposed to stay in their room until the next morning. However, as the order of this ceremony has changed over time, it now takes place before the party (in the past it was after the party) because the newlyweds have to greet the guests.
After the baci is over, it is time for the party to begin when the guests are invited to eat, drink and dance.
Today, most people split their wedding into two parts, one is a traditional Laos wedding ceremony and the other is a modern Laos wedding party. Some have the traditional Laos wedding ceremony at home in the morning and some do it in the afternoon. Only close friends and relatives are invited to join the baci part. Whether the baci takes place in the morning or afternoon, food and drinks are served to the guests at the end of the ceremony. The party is then held at a hotel or a restaurant in the evening when more guests are invited. This practice is more common among city people.
This Laos wedding ceremony is practised by ethnic Lao and can vary from place to place. Other ethnic groups have their own customs and traditions which are often very different.