Are There Any Manners for a Food Fight?
This unlikely question was asked when I volunteered to teach dining to my son’s fourth-grade Boy Scout troop. It’s the only time I can remember that I was at a total loss for words—and it may be the reason my business is oriented to corporations!
Usually, I teach adults, but I recently agreed to take a colleague’s 12-year-old daughter to lunch at a white-tablecloth restaurant. The young woman’s parents wanted their child to brush up on her table manners before her upcoming Bat Mitzvah.
As I prepared for this atypical teaching activity, I created a number of steps that anyone could use to take a friend’s or colleague’s child for a dress-up lunch or dinner. It’s a gift that makes memories to last a lifetime—and excellent training for the next generation of executives.
The following are my seven steps for a successful Take a Child to Lunch activity:
1. Do not include the parents. It’s amazing how well behaved some children can be when their parents are not around. I know—as a child, my son was a great guest, but he could be a handful at home. Let the parents know this is a private, unique activity for their child and you.
2. Choose a nice restaurant. Pick a place that will be special for the child. Make a reservation. Make sure the atmosphere is conducive to talking. Tell the child that you will be going to a nice restaurant and that he or she should be dressed appropriately.
3. Let the child set the parameters. Ask the child how much he or she knows about table manners, based on a 1-to-5 scale, 5 being the best. Also, ask how much the child wants to learn. My guest said she was a 1 and wanted to become a 5. As a result, she was giving me permission to give her feedback. But remember that all feedback must be given in a positive way.
4. Order a three- or four-course meal. You want the child to experience different courses. Possible choices include an appetizer, soup, salad, entrée, and dessert.
5. Don’t overwhelm. Concentrate on just three or four key learning points, such as choosing items from the menu, understanding the place settings, and holding and using the knife, fork, and spoon correctly. Young people usually enjoy learning the memory trick BMW (bread, meal, water) to remind them that their bread-and-butter plate is on the left and their water glass is on the right.
6. Make the experience fun. Make pleasant conversation, and use some amusing, even gross, stories to emphasize the importance of manners. Examples include the woman who clipped her fingernails at the table, the man who licked his dessert plate clean, or the young man who tucked the tablecloth into his waistband when he didn’t have a napkin and pulled all the dishes from the table when he went to the restroom.
7. Discuss the importance of thank you notes. The young person can use either email or stationery. My young woman sent a printed note card that said, “Thank you for teaching me proper manners. I had a lot of fun.”