I need to start some story with a little bit of background. The whole “girl meets boy, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married” model is a little too simplistic for my needs. You people want details, don't you? Of course you do.
I always thought I deserved better in everything. But most of the time I was not that much lucky to have anything. Although things happened like that, my heart not ready to accept that reality, so I was trying in anything which wanted to achieve, even if it’s so hard or painful. But eventually, I've been drained of the energy to hold on.
Every time I was with her, I wondered who I was to her. Sometime I thought I was just her friend, after all, would make some sort of effort to catch up with each other. But I was more likely her assistant. When she needs me for something, she wants my assistance, that’s all she wanted me. But when ever she wanted my attention, help or kindness I did it with bottom of my heart. If her were in broken heart, always I was nearby her and fixed her. I was so happy to do that. If she want to translate some songs, or had any difficulties about the projects, I was helping her without doing my own works. Sometime she was mumbling her, feelings and emotions via Facebook and telephone. I only listened to them, I never did let her know that my feelings or emotions about anything. It’s because, I thought she may fed up with my things. So… I cried at the other end of the phone, instead. But I tried to make her up, and I was always telling, everything gonna be OK for her. I always keep my interesting about her as a secret. I never gave any clue about I liked her very much. I never did any effort into asking her out. I wanted to flirt with her, badly but I never. I didn't want to act as pushy boy either and wanted her to feel I’m the boy she is looking for.
When she was talking about other boys, I cried hard in my heart and kept my patience. So finally, she want to make a distance between us and go away from my association.
because i told her about my feeling But if she come and ask my help and my kindness. so again I will do light up my hope about her caring about me. But after sometime, it happened again the same thing. But eventually I realized that she was not for me. I was managing not to look at her, as could as possible. I skipped the most of the moment that, I should be with her. she is ignoring me and concentrated my mind and body to some other thing. I will never forget that opportunity she gave to me, i will never forget that she said i want you so much, i will never forget the time i spent with her, i will never forget that i was special to her
End of the above all, she doesn't message me anymore. She didn't ask about me. I am pretty sure that she doesn't miss me. And honestly, she may forgot even existed me in her past. When I think about this, deeply, it feels so hurt for my heart that, she totally forgot me in her heart. But the same time I realized that, she never gave any satisfaction for me but the pain. So it was the truth. And it’s always hard to believe this painful truth for my heart. I realized that i will never live without her, what should i do now except waiting my turn to leave this world
I never thought that love can changes life to the worst
I never thought that love can kills our hearts
Well... sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love there are no ‘buts’ or ‘ifs’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death
I need to start some story with a little bit of background. The whole “girl meets boy, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married” model is a little too simplistic for my needs. You people want details, don't you? Of course you do.
I always thought I deserved better in everything. But most of the time I was not that much lucky to have anything. Although things happened like that, my heart not ready to accept that reality, so I was trying in anything which wanted to achieve, even if it’s so hard or painful. But eventually, I've been drained of the energy to hold on.
Every time I was with her, I wondered who I was to her. Sometime I thought I was just her friend, after all, would make some sort of effort to catch up with each other. But I was more likely her assistant. When she needs me for something, she wants my assistance, that’s all she wanted me. But when ever she wanted my attention, help or kindness I did it with bottom of my heart. If her were in broken heart, always I was nearby her and fixed her. I was so happy to do that. If she want to translate some songs, or had any difficulties about the projects, I was helping her without doing my own works. Sometime she was mumbling her, feelings and emotions via Facebook and telephone. I only listened to them, I never did let her know that my feelings or emotions about anything. It’s because, I thought she may fed up with my things. So… I cried at the other end of the phone, instead. But I tried to make her up, and I was always telling, everything gonna be OK for her. I always keep my interesting about her as a secret. I never gave any clue about I liked her very much. I never did any effort into asking her out. I wanted to flirt with her, badly but I never. I didn't want to act as pushy boy either and wanted her to feel I’m the boy she is looking for.
When she was talking about other boys, I cried hard in my heart and kept my patience. So finally, she want to make a distance between us and go away from my association.
because i told her about my feeling But if she come and ask my help and my kindness. so again I will do light up my hope about her caring about me. But after sometime, it happened again the same thing. But eventually I realized that she was not for me. I was managing not to look at her, as could as possible. I skipped the most of the moment that, I should be with her. she is ignoring me and concentrated my mind and body to some other thing. I will never forget that opportunity she gave to me, i will never forget that she said i want you so much, i will never forget the time i spent with her, i will never forget that i was special to her
End of the above all, she doesn't message me anymore. She didn't ask about me. I am pretty sure that she doesn't miss me. And honestly, she may forgot even existed me in her past. When I think about this, deeply, it feels so hurt for my heart that, she totally forgot me in her heart. But the same time I realized that, she never gave any satisfaction for me but the pain. So it was the truth. And it’s always hard to believe this painful truth for my heart. I realized that i will never live without her, what should i do now except waiting my turn to leave this world
I never thought that love can changes life to the worst
I never thought that love can kills our hearts
Well... sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love there are no ‘buts’ or ‘ifs’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death
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