Even though you had only been dating Natsume Takashi for roughly half a year, it seemed like you still gave another small piece of yourself to him every day; those pieces seeming almost never-ending at this point. If you could describe it more accurately, you would say it was a perfect blend of giving nearly every part of you to him and staying as two equal individuals with their own wants and needs. Honestly, he was killing you, but in the best way possible. It physically made you weak every time his caramel-colored eyes made contact with your own, lighting up ever so slightly as he gave you that signature friendly smile of his, making you feel almost…secure, or at home. Not only that, but the way he would constantly voice his concerns for you even if as you so much as stumbled on a rock on your way home from school – although it was a bit too motherly – really made you feel like you were truly cared for and loved in this world.
He had this sort of openness about him. It was difficult to explain, really. It was mostly the way he openly displayed his concerns for the people he cared about – like his friends or his family – that really showed who he truly was on the inside. He was kind and caring, and he didn’t bother to try to hide those attributes to the ones he not just only cared deeply for, but to those he didn’t even properly know. Natsume would do everything he could to defend anyone and everyone from the evils of this world, and the fact that that was who he really, truly was on the inside and out was what made him so admirable; so endearing to you. No, he wasn’t looking for the glory or gaining any merits from it like many others would, he just wanted to do what was right, and to protect those around him from harm. That exact openness was what gave you the courage to confess to him six months back, and your heart swelled every time you recalled the moment his cheeks flushed darkly in embarrassment, but accepted your feelings nonetheless.
He was genuinely, and, almost unbelievably so, kind.
Unfortunately, prior to the last statement, he wasn’t exactly a very open person. You knew this very well. Early on, there were many times where he would just suddenly grab your wrist in a painful lock and start running off with such a frightened look on his face you barely had the heart to tell him to stop running. When you did, though, you would demand to know the reason why he decided to drag you all the way to the other end of the freaking earth, but he would always just give you this sheepish smile and reply with a simple, “Nothing, nothing…it was nothing.”
Really? He expected you to believe that?
So, in a way, he was kind of an enigma, and you weren’t ever sure if you were ever going to be able to understand him and those weird antics of his.
But it wasn’t until a couple months later that you were roughly pushed to the ground by what seemed to be nothing but the air around you, your head hitting the dirt so hard it almost stunned you, but it sure did knock the breath right out of you. Even though the details were still a bit fuzzy, there were many things you could remember almost too vividly.
Like Natsume kneeling beside you, his expression looking so heartbroken, like he had done something so wrong that he could never ever be forgiven for the horrible crime he’s committed. Like a kicked puppy who was so devastated that the owner he loved so much could hurt him so horribly. You could see his fragile form visibly shaking as he wrapped his arms around his waist, his breathing so heavy you were scared he was going to have a panic attack. You could make out tears forming in those beautiful caramel eyes that, before that moment, never ceased to provide you with solace; those tears sliding down his now-rosy cheeks and slowly dripping onto the ground beneath him and upon your school uniform.
His lips quivered as he kept mumbling to himself in a pitiful whine that made your eyebrows furrow with concern, and the words he spoke pulled at the strings of your heart so painfully you were convinced it was going to burst before him.
“I’m sorry…I-I’m so sorry…This is all my fault…You w-weren’t supposed…t-to know…”
The image before you was one you had hoped you’d never have to see, and it was forever burned into your memory.
Whatever happened, you knew it wasn’t normal, and he knew that, too.
You could hear the rumors now. The rumors others would use to scare you away from him, saying that they knew people who went to one of his previous schools who said that Natsume was weird. Weird because he said that he could see things, but he said all of it solely to gain the attention of his peers. You always ignored them, saying that rumors were rumors, but now…? Could you really be sure? Could he really…see things that the average person can’t?
How could such a beautiful person be cursed in such a way?
You reached up towards him, your arm a bit wobbly, and grabbed at the fabric that covered his triceps, tugging lightly to assure him that you were still alive and well. With reluctance, he looked over at you, his eyes filled with panic and anxiety that made your heart shatter into millions of pieces that could never be properly pieced back together. Even though your head was still pounding painfully, you mustered the biggest smile you could and released a few weak chuckles. Natsume’s eyes visibly widened in confusion as you pulled yourself up via his uniform sleeve. If Natsume wasn’t still in a state of shock due to you laughing at the situation, you were sure he would have helped you sit up. Out of exhaustion from using up the last of your strength to pull yourself up, you leaned your forehead on his shoulder and released a deep sigh, closing your eyes in content.
“Ah. It all makes sense now.”
He still didn’t move. Confusion nagged at him as he eyed your form leaning heavily onto him, but the exhaustion from his breakdown was causing him to lean his own forehead on top of your head. His arms fell limply to his sides, his fingers tugging at the grass beneath him anxiously.
“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have anything to do with this, [Name]. It’s all my fault.”
You shook your head as you continued to hide yourself in his shoulder, your cheeks stained red once you realized you could smell that natural, unique scent of his because of how close you were; closer than you had ever been before, both physically and emotionally.
With a smile, you replied, “It’s okay. I’m actually glad I know now, ‘cause now I feel like…you’re not so far away anymore.”
Even though I don’t understand, I believe you. I trust you.
Fresh tears were beginning to fall onto your scalp as he wrapped his arms around your midsection tighter than you expected his stocky form was able to do. You wrapped your own arms around his waist, rubbing his back gently as sobs continued to wrack throughout his body.
All he wanted was your acceptance. No longer did he carry the fear of you leaving him out of fright or disgust with each moment he spent with you.
All he wanted was to be loved.
Grabbing at his blazer, you giggled a bit. “Of course I’m not just gonna get up and run away. I care about you too much to hurt you and leave you behind, Takashi.”
Even though you could never understand the agonizing pain he felt daily, you knew you wanted to stand by him through everything, no matter how many times you were knocked down to the ground like that day. Not only as his girlfriend, but as his best friend; someone he could rely on when he was in need.
You simply held each other, neither of you wanting to be separated even though the sky overhead was growing darker with each passing minute.
But you were fine with being there for hours on end, as long as you were with him.
I will love you, always.