I wasn't able to find anyone else describing this problem, so I decided to make my own topic.
Basically, I get through the patcher just fine. The patcher closes, everything is working as normal. And then nothing. I waited for a good 10 minutes before I decided the game wasn't actually going to appear and closed it via task manager. Yesterday it was working fine, so I have no idea what is causing it. I even tried running it as an administrator, and the same thing happened. Any idea what's going on?