Respecting elderly is another ancient practice that has survived. Traditionally the older people are respected, listened to and are treated accordingly. It is customary for all to stand up once they enter a room, the best seats are allocated to them and they are offered drinks and food before anyone else. Younger people are expected to be polite and restrain themselves and even avoid drinking alcohol or smoke cigarettes when elderly are present. Mothers particularly are revered and well into 20th century when traveling was a major task, sons would regard it as a tremendous achievement if they could finance their mother’s trip to Mecca or other holy shrines. Till recently grandmothers and aunts were trusted with the task of finding suitable spouses for the young in the family. The elderly are still consulted with such matters and play a very important part in bringing up their grand children and sometimes even naming them at the time of birth. While speaking to them or about them third person is used as a sign of respect and they normally have both a formal and a nickname allocated to them. There are no standard terminology used to refer to them and local variations exist and are important.
Iranian culture is patriarchal, legally and culturally males have more rights and privileges than females. Centuries of gender discrimination and segregation of sexes has created distinct roles and codes of behavior for both the sexes and many are still practiced today. Many women particularly the older generation feel more comfortable being with other women rather than in mixed company even though most do not practice segregation of sexes. Parents normally have double standards concerning their children. Usually, there are more restrictions for girls compared to boys with respect to individual freedoms, dress codes and association with the opposite sex. Virgin brides are still in demand by many Iranian males and their families, while there is little stigma attached to males having girl friends and sexual relationships while single.
Male offspring is preferred amongst many particularly the poor for whom male children are still a source of financial support. However such practices are eroding with the modern generations. For many families the father or the husband takes most major financial decisions. It is more common for such males to consult with their male relatives or friends than their spouses. It is only recently that wives have started participating in such decision-making processes. Gender roles are normally well defined and clear. The priority for females is marriage and childbearing. Due to economic necessity and with the phenomenal increase in the number of highly educated Iranian women such culturally accepted norms are creating major problems for working mothers and challenging the status quo. So far the solution for most appears to be reliance on family members such as grandparents to look after the children. Day cares are not on the whole trusted and nanny’s are preferred if affordable.
Iranian culture is adult oriented with parents being involved in making major decisions for their children such as, whom they should marry and what profession they should have. Nevertheless children are very loved and are the priority with most families. Education is highly praised amongst all Iranians and quite often children are pressured to succeed academically. Mothers and recently fathers spent lots of time with their children and if they can afford it they will financially support them all the way till they have finished all their education and beyond. It is quite expected with the rich to buy property and expensive cars for their children and provide them with a good life style from an early age. Children on the other hand are expected to trust and respect their parents and follow the guidelines designed for them. Family traditionally comes before the individual and family members are brought up and expected to understand and respect such notions.
Despite adaptation of western codes of behavior by many Iranians living in western countries spouse selection in majority of cases still involves parents and their approval. - See more at: http://www.iranchamber.com/culture/articles/codes_behavior.php#sthash.zDYkikx5.dpuf