Speaking as a psychologist and mother of five, I can’t seem to escape the burden of feeling very responsible for my own kids’ psychological wellbeing. I think I’ve cracked it as at least three out of our four teenagers (and the fourth is getting there) are demonstrating ‘authentic’ self-esteem – the official definition is ‘accepting yourself with an accurate appreciation of your strengths and worth and feeling that you are capable to cope with the basic life challenges.’ Of course self-esteem is a good thing to have. Yet there are a few things about it that may appear counter-intuitive. One is that we, as parents, should not try raising it directly.