So I was small and sensitive, and men are competitive, so I was always at the bottom of the chain.
15:32 ICT
But then I grew strong.
Now, when a man competes with me even the slightest, I can sometimes tear him apart.
15:32 ICT
With men I am over dominant now, too dominant.
Every man is a threat to me.
15:32 ICT
And also, my dad was abusive.
15:33 ICT
But my mom was also abusive and did not give me love... but this made me sensitive to women...
15:34 ICT
With men I think "why compete with you, I will destroy you, then I am on top and safe... f you"
15:35 ICT
This is also why I refuse to lose, always, I will find a way to win in the end.
Even if I must use dirty tactics.
15:37 ICT
But what made me even worse is the thought that other men were now with my ex.
This makes me hate men with a passion.
15:38 ICT
I think maybe... in my mind... those men are stealing my mom... maybe. Something like that.
15:39 ICT
Before the idea "other men will sleep with my exwife..." I could sometimes... sometimes have male friends.
But now... I have so much rage for all men.
15:39 ICT
Maybe they are my father taking my mother? I don't know.
15:41 ICT
And then there is the big problem I have with white women.
I wont speak to them either.
15:41 ICT
So all men, and all white women, I don't speak to them.
15:43 ICT
I don't like my mom though, I hate her.
15:43 ICT
To me, she is dead.
15:45 ICT
But... getting married was a mistake.
And she was not a good woman, and not the right woman.
But, I was lonely, and desperate. I took the first thing.