. Cats are not needy.
Dogs follow you everywhere. They are crazed stalkers. They require your attention every 0.02 seconds of every day. I cannot handle this.
2. Cats do not smell.
Dogs have a smell. It is everywhere and on everything. It is utterly inescapable and putrid.
3. You never come home and find your used underwear on the living-room floor.
I am house-sitting a home in which there are two dogs. Twice I have come home to find my used underwear on the living-room floor. What is this obsession?! Not even my boyfriend likes my used underwear.
4. Cats are selective.
They choose their humans. Once you are chosen as their human, there is no other human akin to you. Dogs are attention whores; they love everyone, everywhere, all the time.
5. Cats are cute when they “chat.”
I love it when my cats get chatty and trill and purr. Dogs bark and growl and carry on in a tasteless manner, and why is it so loud in here?! Oh yes, a car just drove by the house.
6. Cats don’t come in pretentious breeds.
There are no “special” cat breeds with ostentatious names such as “Shih Tzu” and “Golden Retriever,” nor bullshit concoctions such as “Labradoodle” or “Spoodle.” Those are not words, they are demonic creations!
Heyna