Filipino etiquette
One of the major controlling elements in Filipino society – undetected by most visitors – is hiya, a difficult word to define, though essentially it means a sense of shame. Hiya is a factor in almost all social situations. It is a sense of hiya that prevents someone asking a question, for fear he may look foolish. It is hiya that sees many Filipinos refuse to disagree openly, for fear they may cause offence. To not have hiya is a grave social sin. To be accused of being walang-hiya (to be shameless) is the ultimate insult. Hiya goes hand in hand with the preservation of amor-propio (the term literally means “love of self”), ie to avoid losing face. If you ever wonder why a Filipino fails to broach awkward subjects with you, or to point out that your flies are undone, it is because hiya and amor-propio are at work.
If you are ever in doubt about how to behave in the Philippines, bring to mind the value of pakikisama, which in rough translation means “to get along”. Don’t flaunt your gauche liberal values and don’t confront the waiter or bark insults if he gets your order wrong. This offends his sense of amor-propio and marks you out as being an obnoxious walang-hiya foreigner. Talk to him quietly and ask that the order be changed. The same rules apply with government officials, police, ticket agents, hotel receptionists and cashiers. If there’s a problem, sort it out quietly and patiently. A sense of delicadeza is also important to Filipinos. This might be translated as “propriety”, a simple sense of good behaviour, particularly in the presence of elders or ladies.
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