The Rules of Theatre:
1. Always Carry A Pen
2. Always Carry A Torch
3. If you need to tell a secret, don’t tell anyone
4. If you have to tell someone, Tell One Person ONLY
5. Always cover your arse
6. Always have a backup
7. Gaffer Tape can and will solve everything
8. Don’t end up on either side of the CenterLink Desk
9. Always carry a screwdriver
10. Never believe anything you’re told, Double Check.
11. If you want something, and you make a big deal out of it, you’ll get it.
12. If nobody knows, problem solved.
13. The name: “Chris” is to be used as a punishment and must not be used for anything positive or constructive.
14. If you want answer now then the answer is NO. If you let me think about it I may change my mind
15. There are two types of jobs in life. For most jobs you wash your hands after going to the toilet. For the others you also have to wash your hands before going to the toilet.
16. Things should be done as quickly as possible. But, things shouldn’t be done quicker than is possible.
17. Under Promise; Over Deliver
18. You can never have too many power sockets.
19. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking to good either.
20. If it weren’t for circuit breakers and law enforcement, we’ll be unstoppable.
21. Don’t tell the boss
22. Give way to the heavier load
23. Never Feature on Screen
24. Never be Unreachable
25. Lockers are not ecosystems
26. Be good, if not, don’t blame it on the boss
27. If it’s too good to be true it probably is, but not always.
28. We should stop making so many rules
29. How many is too many?
30. Is thirty to many?
31. No talking/communicating while on the toilet
32. Alex refuses to do any lighting unless there is a running sheet or script, and at least two blackouts
33. Aim for perfection, but accept something closeish
34. Wireless is the future, but it is not the present.
35. If something sounds ridiculous, it is.
36. Lachlan needs to stop being so paranoid
37. There are four ways of doing something; The right way, the wrong way, your way and my way. Only one way counts.
38. Everything will work until you need it to work.
39. Keep the ledge free of books.
40. Tuck your chair in
41. Constantly be vigilantly aware of your surroundings.
42. Electricity is our best friend. It is also our worst enemy.
43. You must never say “Whatever” when responding to, “What drink do you want?”
44. It’s not my mark, my project, my work, I didn’t have a say, I don’t care.
45. Stuff up, ‘Fess Up.
46. If I make a mistake, I fix it. If anyone else makes a mistake, I fix it...
47. Be good, because you can be replaced with a button.
48. The tension of the cyc is the least of my worries when I don’t have anything to light it with!
49. Shut-Up
50. A lack of planning on your part should not constitute an emergency on my part.
51. Don’t rape anyone
52. As soon as you mention something, one of two possible outcomes will occur. If you said something good, then it immediately goes away. If you said something bad, then it never ever goes away.
53. Everything in a theatre will take longer then it should.
54. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
55. Experience is the thing that you get a split second after you’ve needed it.
56. We are here to offer creative solutions to difficult problems. These means that we are going to lie, cheat, steal and do whatever the hell we have too to get this damn thing working!
57. Don’t let anyone else touch the equipment or it will be screwed.
58. Aim for 150%. If you get 90% of that, it’s still 135%.
59. Liaison is a noun, not a verb
60. When you start of working in theatre you are given two jars, on called the ‘experience jar,’ and the other the, ‘luck jar.’ The ‘luck jar’ is given to you full but you have to fill the ‘experience jar’ yourself. The goal is to fill your ‘experience jar’ before you empty your ‘luck jar.’
61. It is easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.
62. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
63. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
64. Do what the director tells you to do, then fix it.
65. Always check the DVD before you play it.
66. Always ask for advice, but make sure it’s appropriate for the situation.
67. Always use pencil when writing in your scrips.
68. Dumb ideas come from people who have dumb brains.
69. If you are going to lie, you have to do it convincingly.
70. Google is a wonderful tool. Use it!
71. Programming is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
72. Never, ever, ever give an annoying kid access to a two way radio. There is NO escape.
73. In the beginning there was the Stage, and the Stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And the Technical Director (hereinafter referred to as the TD) said, "Let there be Lights!" and the TECHIES worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting - yes, lights of all shapes, sizes and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness on the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the First Day.
74. If only it could be done in one day...
75. Never, ever, ever break the rules. It lands you in a very deep, deep hole.
76. Show me a script that calls for no actors, dancers, musicians or artists; and, I will show you a techie's DREAM!
77. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
78. You're not drunk if you can lie on the stage without holding on.
79. And on the 13th of April, 2010, ESP Vision and Jands Vista finally worked on Alex’s laptop.
80. Director: It’s your fault
Techie: It’s [Insert name]’s fault
Director: It’s you fault for trusting him!
81. As long as everything appears to be good, then everything is good.
82. Gaffer tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
83. Gaffer tape, and the current price, is only for things that electrical, LX, masking, sticky or duct tape can’t fix.
84. An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills.
85. If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor.
86. I, just like you, have a name. You never forget yours so don’t forget mine!
87. Lord grant me the serenity to accept the cues that I cannot change, the courage to change the cues that I can, and the wisdom not to strangle the actors because they can’t stand in the light.
88. You can get any dummy to push the button, but making it look decent is completely different.
89. Never deprive a techie of caffeine.
90. Never bother Alex at the lighting desk if you want to live.
91. Know how to do every job that your juniors can do.
92. If it works, don’t fix it unless you have enough time to get it back to how it was originally.
93. Safety second!
94. A techie must never sit and look bored during a show when they have obviously not done the work in the first place to make it look good. Make it fantastic and then when you can’t do anymore, look bored. You just look like an incompetent fool.
95. Don’t ever put follow-spots into a play unless you have hundreds of other fixtures to wash out its effect, the lighting guy has a manual override to it, the show really needs it AND they are the same colour temperature as everything else. They will just look bad, especially with amateur ops!
96. Don’t do reserved seating for an amateur show. It just makes you look like a bunch of wannabes.
97. Gravitation is not responsible for your mistakes
98. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
99. Anything is possible anywhere these days
100. The worst you can do is quit
101. The chance of saving the day by spontaneous reaction is extremely remote, but the chance of catapulting yourself into the deepest trouble is very high.
102. Everyone has an enemy
103. The audience haven’t got scripts and don’t have a clue what is supposed to happen. But the backstage people do!
104. There is no such thing as ‘less is more’. More is always more otherwise they wouldn’t have invented the word.
105. Within the theatre, I have immunity!
106. Any semi-intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a bit of thought - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
107. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
108. Keep looking around, there is always something you’ve missed.
109. It doesn’t matter if it works or not, what does matter is if there is someone else to blame.
110. Once you produce a miracle, you’re then expected to continue producing miracles on a daily basis.
111. Everyone has two jobs: The one they do, and sound tech!
112. We’re not rude, we’re just direct.
113. A techie lives in a world of perfection, or not at all.
114. Rule Books are paper – they will not cushion the sudden meeting of metal and ground.
115. Do not let yourself be forced into doing something before you are ready.
116. Mistakes are inevitable, especially when one is learning new things. The trick is to not make the mistake that will kill you.
117. He who is most free from danger, is he who when all is safe, is still on guard.
118. If you can’t afford to do somethi
The Rules of Theatre:
1. Always Carry A Pen
2. Always Carry A Torch
3. If you need to tell a secret, don’t tell anyone
4. If you have to tell someone, Tell One Person ONLY
5. Always cover your arse
6. Always have a backup
7. Gaffer Tape can and will solve everything
8. Don’t end up on either side of the CenterLink Desk
9. Always carry a screwdriver
10. Never believe anything you’re told, Double Check.
11. If you want something, and you make a big deal out of it, you’ll get it.
12. If nobody knows, problem solved.
13. The name: “Chris” is to be used as a punishment and must not be used for anything positive or constructive.
14. If you want answer now then the answer is NO. If you let me think about it I may change my mind
15. There are two types of jobs in life. For most jobs you wash your hands after going to the toilet. For the others you also have to wash your hands before going to the toilet.
16. Things should be done as quickly as possible. But, things shouldn’t be done quicker than is possible.
17. Under Promise; Over Deliver
18. You can never have too many power sockets.
19. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking to good either.
20. If it weren’t for circuit breakers and law enforcement, we’ll be unstoppable.
21. Don’t tell the boss
22. Give way to the heavier load
23. Never Feature on Screen
24. Never be Unreachable
25. Lockers are not ecosystems
26. Be good, if not, don’t blame it on the boss
27. If it’s too good to be true it probably is, but not always.
28. We should stop making so many rules
29. How many is too many?
30. Is thirty to many?
31. No talking/communicating while on the toilet
32. Alex refuses to do any lighting unless there is a running sheet or script, and at least two blackouts
33. Aim for perfection, but accept something closeish
34. Wireless is the future, but it is not the present.
35. If something sounds ridiculous, it is.
36. Lachlan needs to stop being so paranoid
37. There are four ways of doing something; The right way, the wrong way, your way and my way. Only one way counts.
38. Everything will work until you need it to work.
39. Keep the ledge free of books.
40. Tuck your chair in
41. Constantly be vigilantly aware of your surroundings.
42. Electricity is our best friend. It is also our worst enemy.
43. You must never say “Whatever” when responding to, “What drink do you want?”
44. It’s not my mark, my project, my work, I didn’t have a say, I don’t care.
45. Stuff up, ‘Fess Up.
46. If I make a mistake, I fix it. If anyone else makes a mistake, I fix it...
47. Be good, because you can be replaced with a button.
48. The tension of the cyc is the least of my worries when I don’t have anything to light it with!
49. Shut-Up
50. A lack of planning on your part should not constitute an emergency on my part.
51. Don’t rape anyone
52. As soon as you mention something, one of two possible outcomes will occur. If you said something good, then it immediately goes away. If you said something bad, then it never ever goes away.
53. Everything in a theatre will take longer then it should.
54. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
55. Experience is the thing that you get a split second after you’ve needed it.
56. We are here to offer creative solutions to difficult problems. These means that we are going to lie, cheat, steal and do whatever the hell we have too to get this damn thing working!
57. Don’t let anyone else touch the equipment or it will be screwed.
58. Aim for 150%. If you get 90% of that, it’s still 135%.
59. Liaison is a noun, not a verb
60. When you start of working in theatre you are given two jars, on called the ‘experience jar,’ and the other the, ‘luck jar.’ The ‘luck jar’ is given to you full but you have to fill the ‘experience jar’ yourself. The goal is to fill your ‘experience jar’ before you empty your ‘luck jar.’
61. It is easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.
62. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
63. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
64. Do what the director tells you to do, then fix it.
65. Always check the DVD before you play it.
66. Always ask for advice, but make sure it’s appropriate for the situation.
67. Always use pencil when writing in your scrips.
68. Dumb ideas come from people who have dumb brains.
69. If you are going to lie, you have to do it convincingly.
70. Google is a wonderful tool. Use it!
71. Programming is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
72. Never, ever, ever give an annoying kid access to a two way radio. There is NO escape.
73. In the beginning there was the Stage, and the Stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And the Technical Director (hereinafter referred to as the TD) said, "Let there be Lights!" and the TECHIES worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting - yes, lights of all shapes, sizes and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness on the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the First Day.
74. If only it could be done in one day...
75. Never, ever, ever break the rules. It lands you in a very deep, deep hole.
76. Show me a script that calls for no actors, dancers, musicians or artists; and, I will show you a techie's DREAM!
77. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
78. You're not drunk if you can lie on the stage without holding on.
79. And on the 13th of April, 2010, ESP Vision and Jands Vista finally worked on Alex’s laptop.
80. Director: It’s your fault
Techie: It’s [Insert name]’s fault
Director: It’s you fault for trusting him!
81. As long as everything appears to be good, then everything is good.
82. Gaffer tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
83. Gaffer tape, and the current price, is only for things that electrical, LX, masking, sticky or duct tape can’t fix.
84. An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills.
85. If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor.
86. I, just like you, have a name. You never forget yours so don’t forget mine!
87. Lord grant me the serenity to accept the cues that I cannot change, the courage to change the cues that I can, and the wisdom not to strangle the actors because they can’t stand in the light.
88. You can get any dummy to push the button, but making it look decent is completely different.
89. Never deprive a techie of caffeine.
90. Never bother Alex at the lighting desk if you want to live.
91. Know how to do every job that your juniors can do.
92. If it works, don’t fix it unless you have enough time to get it back to how it was originally.
93. Safety second!
94. A techie must never sit and look bored during a show when they have obviously not done the work in the first place to make it look good. Make it fantastic and then when you can’t do anymore, look bored. You just look like an incompetent fool.
95. Don’t ever put follow-spots into a play unless you have hundreds of other fixtures to wash out its effect, the lighting guy has a manual override to it, the show really needs it AND they are the same colour temperature as everything else. They will just look bad, especially with amateur ops!
96. Don’t do reserved seating for an amateur show. It just makes you look like a bunch of wannabes.
97. Gravitation is not responsible for your mistakes
98. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
99. Anything is possible anywhere these days
100. The worst you can do is quit
101. The chance of saving the day by spontaneous reaction is extremely remote, but the chance of catapulting yourself into the deepest trouble is very high.
102. Everyone has an enemy
103. The audience haven’t got scripts and don’t have a clue what is supposed to happen. But the backstage people do!
104. There is no such thing as ‘less is more’. More is always more otherwise they wouldn’t have invented the word.
105. Within the theatre, I have immunity!
106. Any semi-intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a bit of thought - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
107. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
108. Keep looking around, there is always something you’ve missed.
109. It doesn’t matter if it works or not, what does matter is if there is someone else to blame.
110. Once you produce a miracle, you’re then expected to continue producing miracles on a daily basis.
111. Everyone has two jobs: The one they do, and sound tech!
112. We’re not rude, we’re just direct.
113. A techie lives in a world of perfection, or not at all.
114. Rule Books are paper – they will not cushion the sudden meeting of metal and ground.
115. Do not let yourself be forced into doing something before you are ready.
116. Mistakes are inevitable, especially when one is learning new things. The trick is to not make the mistake that will kill you.
117. He who is most free from danger, is he who when all is safe, is still on guard.
118. If you can’t afford to do somethi
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