Thus, I decided to stay home for awhile.
I don't feel a particular need to rush things.
Nevertheless, I feel a bit uneasy.
As I assumed a seiza pose, bowing with my forehead near the floor, I informed Sylphy that I hadn't thought of a name. She looked more disappointed than angry.
She was blue in the face, at a loss for words.
Like she had been betrayed by something she had believed in, she had that kind of expression.
But it only lasted for a second, and she followed up with [Well, then, we need to think of one]...
That's the face of disappointment.
I'm wearing out her patience.
Her voice just trailed off after that.
Yeah, that's right.
Surely, Sylphy has, for the last six months, believed in me.
Even when I was far away, she was looking forward to celebrating the birth of our child with me.
Of course, I had every intention of doing so.
I had the intention.
The action, however, I fell short on.
There's no doubt about that.
"Papa. What's wrong? Stomach hurts?"
"No, well a little, I accidentally hurt mama's feelings."
"Then, you should say sorry."
Lucy was trying to comfort me.
But, what Sylphy wants isn't an apology.
She doesn't want some superficial apology.
She doesn't want a heartfelt apology either.
No, what she wants is something more vague... she wants a sense of security.
"Lucy. Even if I tell mama I'm sorry, I don't think that will help, her feelings will still be hurt."
"But, papa won't hurt mama's feelings anymore?"
"I won't."
"Well then mama will forgive you!"
It's Sylphy after all, I should have understood that from the beginning.
I need to be home for her.
In this kind of situation, I'm probably missing something.
Even if I think I understand, her feelings may be different.
She's been enduring for a long time.
When I left her while she was pregnant to go help Paul.
When I married Roxy, then Eris.
Time and time again, instead of exploding, she's only shown understanding.
I've been allowed to do as I like.
Once again, she's enduring.
When she heard that I hadn't even thought of a name, she was holding herself back.
Surely, even now, she's still enduring it.
I'm the one making her endure.
Everything's fine for now.
However a time will come when her patience reaches its limit.
Just like water overflows from a cup, there's also a limit on what a person can put up with.
At that time, I'll lose Sylphy.
Just like in the diary, she'll up and disappear.
That would be awful.
I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Together, through the painful times too.
That's just my own selfishness.
Even if she falls out of love with me,
At the very least I want to give Sylphy a sense of security.
I wonder what I should do.