Post 37
An effect for me, I would say, would be utter disgust with myself, hatred, and the kind of regret that has you literally pulling your hair out at 2 a.m. wishing it wasn't real. And that's a year and a half after the sickest decision I've ever made. It's not even guilt; it's just the painful wanting of the person you created and killed for no reason at all.
I personally found that it's the knowing you'll never hold your sweet child or get little bedtime kisses that wakes me up in cold sweats in the middle of the night weekly. But that was just the effect on me I can't speak for anyone else.