Familial Problems
The scope of relationship problems caused by Internet addiction has been undermined by its current popularity and advanced utility. Young (1996) found that serious relationship problems were reported by fifty-three percent of Internet addicts surveyed. Marriages, dating relationships, parent-child relationships, and close friendships have been noted to be seriously disrupted by "net binges." Patients will gradually spend less time with people in their lives in exchange for solitary time in front of a computer.
Marriages appear to be the most affected as Internet use interferes with responsibilities and obligations at home, and it is typically the spouse who takes on these neglected chores and often feels like a "Cyberwidow." Addicted on-line users tend to use the Internet as an excuse to avoid needed but reluctantly performed daily chores such as doing the laundry, cutting the lawn, or going grocery shopping. Those mundane tasks are ignored as well as important activities such as caring for children. For example, one mother forgot such things as to pick up her children after school, to make them dinner, and to put them to bed because she became so absorbed in her Internet use.
Loved o n es first ratio n alize th e o b sessed In tern et u ser’s b eh av io r as "a p h ase" in h o p es th at th e attraction will soon dissipate. However, when addictive behavior continues, arguments about the increased volume of time and energy spent on-line soon ensue, but such complaints are often deflected as part of the denial exhibited by the patients. Addictive use is also evidenced by angry and resentful outbursts at others who question or try to take away their time from using the Internet, often times in defense of their In tern et u se to a h u sb an d o r w ife. F o r ex am p le, "I d o n ’t h av e a p ro b lem ," o r "I am h av in g fu n , leav e m e alo n e," m ig h t b e an ad d ict’s resp o n se w h en questioned about their usage.
Matrimonial lawyers have reported seeing a rise in divorce cases due to the formation of such Cyberaffairs (Quittner, 1997). Individuals may form on-line relationships which over time will eclipse time spent with real life people. The addicted spouse will isolate socially himself or herself and refuse to engage in once enjoyed events by the couple such as going out to dinner, attending community or sports outings, or travel, and preferring the company of on-line companions. The ability to carry out romantic and sexual relationships on-line further deteriorates the stability of real life couples. The patient will continue to emotionally and socially withdraw from the marriage, exerting more effort to maintain recently discovered on-line "lovers."
Internet use then interferes with real life interpersonal relationships as those who live with or who are close to the Internet addict respond in confusion, frustration, and jealousy around the computer. For example, Conrad sent this e-mail to me which explains, "My girlfriend spends from 3 to 10 hours a day on the net. Often engaged in cybersex and flirting with other men. Her activ ities d riv e m e n u ts! S h e lies ab o u t it so I h av e g o n e o u t o n th e n et to ‘g et th e g o o d s’ to confront her with it. I am finding myself spending almost as much time now. I just broke it off with her in an effort to put some sanity back into my own life. It is a sad story. By the way, we are not kids, but middle-aged adults." Similar to alcoholics who will try to hide their addiction, Internet addicts engage in the same lying about how long their Internet sessions really last or they hide bills related to fees for Internet service. These same characteristics create distrust and over time will hurt the quality of once stable relationships.