Re: Essay!!! What do you think are the most difficult aspects of learning a langu #2 (permalink) Fri Apr 27, 2012 19:54 pm Re: Essay!!! What do you think are the most difficult aspects of learning a langu
Hi Tair, I thought your essay was pretty good. You could have covered a little more on the grammar paragraph - grammar is much more than word order. You also could have shortened your pronunciation paragraph, there was a little repetition. You have some grammar issues in your essay and a few word choices that could be improved. Overall, I would rate this essay a 3.5 out of 5.
I suppose there are different views on telling the reader what you are going to write about rather than just writing it. In a relatively short essay like the TOEFL, I think it is important to make every sentence count. The graders value conciseness as long as it does not interfere with your clarity. They do not like excessively wordy sentences which don't add much information and often seem to be inserted just to boost the word count. So in general, I prefer addressing the topic directly instead of going through a two-step process where you say you are going to address it and then you do. Reading an essay, I don't need to be reminded that you are going to give me some reasons - I want to read your reasons.
Compare:
"In this essay I will give several aspects which I think are the ones that are cause the most difficulty when learning a language."
"Difficulty of pronunciation causes the most challenges when learning a new language, with grammar a close second."
The second one gives much more information than the first, in fewer words, and I think is also more interesting to read. The reader also has a good idea of what the main topics of your essay are going to be. So you are still guiding the reader, but not with "empty" sentences.
Re: Essay!!! What do you think are the most difficult aspects of learning a langu #2 (permalink) Fri Apr 27, 2012 19:54 pm Re: Essay!!! What do you think are the most difficult aspects of learning a langu
Hi Tair, I thought your essay was pretty good. You could have covered a little more on the grammar paragraph - grammar is much more than word order. You also could have shortened your pronunciation paragraph, there was a little repetition. You have some grammar issues in your essay and a few word choices that could be improved. Overall, I would rate this essay a 3.5 out of 5.
I suppose there are different views on telling the reader what you are going to write about rather than just writing it. In a relatively short essay like the TOEFL, I think it is important to make every sentence count. The graders value conciseness as long as it does not interfere with your clarity. They do not like excessively wordy sentences which don't add much information and often seem to be inserted just to boost the word count. So in general, I prefer addressing the topic directly instead of going through a two-step process where you say you are going to address it and then you do. Reading an essay, I don't need to be reminded that you are going to give me some reasons - I want to read your reasons.
Compare:
"In this essay I will give several aspects which I think are the ones that are cause the most difficulty when learning a language."
"Difficulty of pronunciation causes the most challenges when learning a new language, with grammar a close second."
The second one gives much more information than the first, in fewer words, and I think is also more interesting to read. The reader also has a good idea of what the main topics of your essay are going to be. So you are still guiding the reader, but not with "empty" sentences.
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