“You know what’s the worst part?”
“……”
“The fact that I had no idea what I did wrong.”
Late evening.
Before I knew it, the scenery outside the window had grown dark.
Barbatos was looking at me under the quietly shaking candle light.
As the outside grew darker, the shadow that covered Barbatos’ complexion spread across her face. While supporting her chin with her arm, she silently gazed at me.
“I could at least behave shamelessly if I didn’t feel like I had done something wrong. I could even question the other party about what the problem was. But not me, I understood that I had done something wrong; I just had no idea what that was. And…… that is quite the miserable feeling. Exceedingly……”
“……”
“Tell me. What could Lapis Lazuli have wanted from me?”
I stared at Barbatos with earnest eyes.
Barbatos had opened her mouth, but no words came out.
So there was no other choice but for me to continue talking.
“Did she want for me to get on my knees and beg? Was that what Lapis wanted from me? For me to throw away my dignity, like a slave. To toss away something like saving face and simply plea?…… That could be it. That was more than possible.”
“……”
“However, why wouldn’t she even tell me what my wrongdoings were?”
I grasped my forehead.
“This drives people mad. Barbatos. This truly is something that drives people mad. Do you know why Lapis didn’t tell me anything?”
“……I wonder.”
“There was one reason. Lapis wanted for me to realize my mistake on my own. That if she left it alone then I would figure it out by myself. Lapis had expectations for me. Damn it!”
Thud
I hit the floor.
“It was insulting and more insulting. Why it was so…… because she was treating me like a fool. Firstly, she was disappointed that I had not realized my wrongdoings. Second, she was hoping that I would figure out what I had done wrong. Do you understand? Hm? Do you understand how shitty this was?”
I sneered.
But it didn’t come out properly.
The sneer came off more as a forced smirk.
“Lapis was not only judging my current self, but my future self as well. On her own. To her own desire! As if she had me completely figured out! As if, she was considering herself to be standing in a higher position than myself……!”
I ground my teeth.
“It was so insulting that I could vomit. It was the first time in my life that I had received this kind of offense. Lapis’ disappointment and expectation became two walls that crushed me even further. In my chest a rage slowly…… an anger slowly built up towards Lapis.”
“Dantalian.”
“I made a resolution in my mind.”
I glared at the candle.
The candle gave off two colors.
The upper portion yellow, the bottom portion blue.
While giving off these colors of light, the light burned and descended down slowly.
“Get caught once. I will wait until the next time she showed disrespect. And if Lapis irrationally ignored me once more.”
I grabbed the wick of the candle with my fingers.
The flame soon flickered and died.
“—When that happens, I will not stay still.”