2013 vs 2015. Anorexia did not just randomly "let me go", and vanished by itself. I let go of anorexia, and it was not easy. Stop waiting for a perfect future moment when you are ready to recover, because life is what passes by whilst you waste your time waiting. Start NOW. There is no perfect recovery, perfect meal plan, perfect weight gain. You have to eat, sometimes you feel like you are exploding, expanding into infinity and loosing control, but you are not. By allowing yourself to heal you are IN control. Eating a whole chocolate cake by yourself because your body is so goddamn desperate after all the restriction, is actually GOOD, both for body and mind. We live in a society that labels calories as something negative, but that is not right! Calories allow your heart to beat and your hair to grow. Without calories, there is no recovery or life. Calorie is a term for energy, everything around you is energy, calories are your bodies energy, just like electricity for a light bulb and battery for your phone✨
Sometimes, when it hurts, it means you are doing something right. I sincerely believe there is hope for every eating disorder sufferer. The brain ghosts (as @fightthepoop nicely names it) will haunt you at times after the recovery process is gone, but those thoughts are not dangerous unless you turn them into actions. The screaming ED voice will gradually give up when it sees that you don't obey, and it will eventually turn into occasional whispering.