the janitor to the secretaries, from long-term senior executives to new
entry-level employees.
Likewise, if you refer to someone whose title is “Dr.,” maintain parallel
construction in referring to any other people in the same communication.
For instance, if you write about Dr. Smith, then you should refer
to all of the doctor’s staff by title and last name, too (e.g., Ms. Smith
and Mr. Brown, not Mary and Charlie).
Adhering to the principle of parallel construction helps your readers
understand your meaning, saves you writing time, and enhances your
professional image.
EXERCISE 18: Write a Third Draft
In the following example, Stuart, an analyst for a city government agency,
has followed the steps outlined in the book thus far. “My boss told me
it is imperative that I be precise in my writing,” explains Stuart, “and I
agree. She needed a report about school renovations. I want the report to
be clear and straightforward.
“My objective is to arm my boss with plenty of facts and figures for
her next town hall meeting. She’s a top adviser to the mayor, so she appears
with him often and needs to be able to field questions and feed him facts.
She’s completely a Producer, so I try to use a lot of lists and graphs to
help her get the information she needs quickly. She’s on my side and has
the resources she needs to do the job, so it’s an Easy writing assignment.
The report needs to be quite formal, because it’s part of the public record.
I selected the PAR organizational structure to focus on the bottom line,
which I knew would make the report most user-friendly to my boss.
“I wrote it and used the Empathy Index and principle of FURY to
revise it. Now I’m ready to finish it up.”
An introduction in a report or proposal typically presents an overview
of what’s to come, piquing readers’ interest. As you’ll see, Stuart’s introduction
does a good job of setting the scene and providing a big-picture
synopsis. However, it suffers from several flaws. After you read the following
paragraph from Stuart’s second draft, you’ll find instructions.
Here’s Stuart’s draft:
With last year’s budget cuts integrated throughout the agency, we’ve been
tracking their effects on our performance in several key areas including
repair of streets and fixing potholes, snow removal, trash collection,
the janitor to the secretaries, from long-term senior executives to new
entry-level employees.
Likewise, if you refer to someone whose title is “Dr.,” maintain parallel
construction in referring to any other people in the same communication.
For instance, if you write about Dr. Smith, then you should refer
to all of the doctor’s staff by title and last name, too (e.g., Ms. Smith
and Mr. Brown, not Mary and Charlie).
Adhering to the principle of parallel construction helps your readers
understand your meaning, saves you writing time, and enhances your
professional image.
EXERCISE 18: Write a Third Draft
In the following example, Stuart, an analyst for a city government agency,
has followed the steps outlined in the book thus far. “My boss told me
it is imperative that I be precise in my writing,” explains Stuart, “and I
agree. She needed a report about school renovations. I want the report to
be clear and straightforward.
“My objective is to arm my boss with plenty of facts and figures for
her next town hall meeting. She’s a top adviser to the mayor, so she appears
with him often and needs to be able to field questions and feed him facts.
She’s completely a Producer, so I try to use a lot of lists and graphs to
help her get the information she needs quickly. She’s on my side and has
the resources she needs to do the job, so it’s an Easy writing assignment.
The report needs to be quite formal, because it’s part of the public record.
I selected the PAR organizational structure to focus on the bottom line,
which I knew would make the report most user-friendly to my boss.
“I wrote it and used the Empathy Index and principle of FURY to
revise it. Now I’m ready to finish it up.”
An introduction in a report or proposal typically presents an overview
of what’s to come, piquing readers’ interest. As you’ll see, Stuart’s introduction
does a good job of setting the scene and providing a big-picture
synopsis. However, it suffers from several flaws. After you read the following
paragraph from Stuart’s second draft, you’ll find instructions.
Here’s Stuart’s draft:
With last year’s budget cuts integrated throughout the agency, we’ve been
tracking their effects on our performance in several key areas including
repair of streets and fixing potholes, snow removal, trash collection,
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