TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, MY FOOT!!
Recently I heard a man threaten a woman in a public gathering. Now, I have to admit, right at the start, that I feel ashamed for doing nothing. I know I should have stood up between him and where she was sitting. I hope God forgave me for that.
I could give a lot of reasons why I shouldn't have become involved, but none of them wash in the end. This man is an admitted "rager." He threatens people on a regular basis. I was stunned by the hate the flowed from him, but I know he acts that way, and should have had the presence of mind to do more than all the others who were witness to his anger.
Later, I was told that "we should turn the other cheek." What a cowards way out of this situation. Don't misunderstand. I wholly subscribe to Jesus admonition in Luke 6:29, "And unto him that smiteth thee on one cheek, offer also the other." But, let's clear up the meaning of His command. It's so simple, I'm embarrassed to even try to clarify it. You don't fight fire with fire. That's it. Don't hit back. It's no more than good psychology. Violence for violence doesn't solve anything. It only prolongs the problem, while probably making an additional one.
What I'd like to know, is what the hell does turn the other cheek have to do with telling a person that their behavior stinks? I'm afraid people have gotten locked into the notion that to be a Christian, and turn the other cheek, means you have to turn into a wimp. And I do have to admit that I've seen a lot of wimpy Christians in my life. But I like to feel that it's because they're grossly misinformed.
If you stand up to someone and get hit, don't fight back.Notice I didn't say don't defend yourself. You see, when a person is out of line, it's only their way of asking for help. Any shadetree phychologist knows that the bully craves discipline, not spanking. They want to be told that they are misbehaving.
It looks to me like people think that turning the other cheek means that you have to lay down and let people walk all over you in the name of Love. But again I say, turning the other cheek has only to do with defending yourself from physical violence. What about all the times in the Bible we're told to exhort, rebuke, reprove, admonish those around us? Especially those of the faith. Here's a short study on three of those words.
REPROVE:(S1651) convict, convince, tell a fault
REBUKE:(S1651) convict, convince, tell a fault
REBUKED:(S2008) censure, charge
ADMONISH:(S3560) caution, warn
ADMONISHED:(S3867) exhort, recommend something different
(The S numbers indicate listings in Strong's Concordance)
ADM:2Thes 3:15 warn those who don't live by the gospel
Acts 27:9 Paul tells the captain not to sail in bad weather
Heb 8:5(S5537) Moses warned by God to get the tabernacle
right REP:Eph 5:11 convict unfruitful works of darkness
2Tim 4:2 reprove, rebuke, exhort fellow Christians
John 3:20 evil doers should be convicted, told a fault
REB:Luke 17:3 censure thy brother if he trespass
1Tim 5:20 convict sinners before everyone
2Tim 4:2 see above
Mk 1:25 Jesus rebukes a demon
Lu 9:55 Jesus rebukes disciple for wanting to kill
Lu 18:15 disciples rebuke the child-bringers
Now I'm no more than a new acquaintance to this hot tempered person. But there are many who claim to be his friends. I have reservations about that. You may remember that no one stood up to tell him that his anger was beyond social limits. Most of the people involved talked about "loving him out of his rage." Well the purest love, is Truth. And the best Truth, is immediate.
Let's take a look at the principle involved, by way of example. Does a parent never tell a child the truth? How long will mother pick up Johnny's socks before telling him that inconsiderate behavior brings a lot of stress into our lives. She doesn't say, "Now John, here's a story about a man who had a brother who always borrowed his tools and didn't return them." She does say, "Pick up your socks. That's sloppy."
Loving your way around another persons misbehavior is only prolonging their agony. Their misbehavior calls out for love and understanding. Not misdirection, avoidance, or diversion. How many of your friends would still call you friend if they realized you were hurting them on purpose? That's what happens when people try to love their friends out of anger by changing the subject, for instance. They're not addressing the plea of their friend. And just because the rage simmers down doesn't mean you treated the person in the most loving way. He just goes off and stews some more. I don't want to be lied to that way.
The purest way to love is to tell someone the absolute truth. Truth is love; Love is truth. And the best kind of love in "now" love. The best kind of Truth is "now" Truth.
I know that working with children can be very hard. But I have also learned that one way, one very good way, to address a child's misbehavior is to state objectively what the behavior is. In other words, you don't tell a boy he's being bad when he's yelling at you. You objectively state the facts of the situation. "Gee, John, you're really mad." In his request for attention, this recognition of his feelings becomes a reflection that he can see. That objective reflection will, most times, be all that's needed.
Now, what has that to do with turn the other cheek? Nothing, that's the point. It's a wholly different concept. We must remember that Love is active. It doesn't just sit around waiting for an object. Turn the other cheek proposes passivity. It says, "Defend yourself passively." If love is active, turn the other cheek is a 180 degree turn from love.
How can you love your neighbor by sitting in your front room thinking how much you love him? Don't you have to make some kind of contact? Don't you have to GO to him and show him that love? Love transits. Love moves from one to another with some kind of action that we can see. When you try to divert a friend from anger, you action is away from the friend toward the new subject. That's why diversion isn't love.
You know, we all go around asking our friends to fill our needs. In every contact we make with people, we are trying to fulfill our needs. Them, too. And we should always try to understand our friends needs and do what we can to help them out. Now, most of us express our needs in a sort of social code. Instead of coming right out and saying what we mean exactly. In fact, some of us use such a heavy code that it's nearly impossible to decipher. It becomes a lot of work just to try and figure out what some folks are trying to say.
Trying to crack someone else's code takes a lot of unselfishness. You have to stop, look between the lines, and mostly ignore the pride, hate or judgement that usually hides the real message. In other words, it takes love to be patient enough to see beneath some people's codes. Mostly, we'll find people don't want to work or love that hard. They just say things like, "I've learned just to stay out of his way." Too bad for both parties.
The more desperate we are to have a certain need filled, the louder or more aggressively we shout for help. The only way some people think they can get their point across, is by trying to commit suicide. More than once. Me idea is, that if you really want to kill yourself, you will. You're just talking in code when you take a bunch of pills, then call a friend to tell them what you've done.
When a non-enemy threatens you, they're only asking for confirmation that their rage is unacceptable behavior. EVERY time. Don't forget that one reminder never gave anyone enough strength to overcome a recurring behavior. Habits die hard.
When an enemy attacks you on the street, don't hit back; if you can. But when a friend threatens another friend with violence in a public gathering, you tell them they're wrong. Lovingly, peacefully, calmly, etc., but you tell them. You don't wait `till two hours later and mention the incident; we all know it doesn't work nearly so well that way. The longer you wait, the less good it does for the person. Now is best, for everything in life.
It's no wonder some people think Jesus was a wimp. Let me tell you, he wasn't. Non-combative doesn't equate with cowardice. Jesus was, if anything, so strong that he could give people a lot of slack. He didn't take offense at what most people said and did. He understood that people's anger and fear was all inside them, and had nothing to do with him. And in his understanding, he tried to show and teach us that violence doesn't cure violence.
It all boils down to courage. Courage to do what's right. It's right to try and overcome our shortcomings; fear, anger, greed. It's right to tell the truth. At all costs. That's the rub. We often see the cost as physical harm. It takes a lot of courage and trust to act as though God will help us out when we do it His way. I call it Faithing. Acting in trust of God's word.
It's God's message. "Do what's right and I'll bless you. Have faith that the Truth will out. Act like it."
If we could only manage to stay firmly on the side of Truth, we wouldn't have trouble understanding and recognizing the solutions to our problems. Especially with others. We'd know when to turn the other cheek, and when to not.
WHO DO WE HAVE TO PLEASE, ANYWAY?
Did you ever stop to think of all the time, money and energy we spend in our lifetimes trying to please others? Some people have perfected so well the art of pleasing others they don't even realize they are doing it most of the time.
It's amazing to me that this society of ours, which claims to be so individualistic, and goes to great lengths to "do it's own thing," winds up doing just the opposite. Too much of our action goes into dressing right, smelling right, reading the right books, travelling to the right places, and getting the best of all situations and people. Is all this to further our own goals? No. Mostly it's to feed our insecurities.