Tony woke up with a terrible headache. He groaned and tried to make himself get up from the bed. Something within him was screaming, screaming for something he didn't have. Screaming for a mate to help him through this terrible stage he was in.
"Mr. Stark."
Then Vision was beside the bed. Concern was written all over the android's face. Tony groaned and closed his eyes, bringing one of his arms up to cover his face.
"Good morning. Shit… I feel like I was run over by a truck," Tony said. His voice was hoarse and he felt like shit. "I need you to do some shopping for me," he said weakly, trying to sit up but ended up slumping back down onto the mattress.
"You have to tell Mr. Rhodes," Vision said, no… Tony knew that Vision was begging him. "Please sir, at least Mr. Rhodes should know about this. Please."
"I'm fine," Tony grumbled. "Just… do some shopping for me. I have to deal with this on my own."
Vision looked at him with such sadness in his eyes. It made Tony's heart hurt, but he tried not to care. He had to get through this on his own. His friends shouldn't be suffering this burden with him.
"Mr. Stark…" Vision tried again, but Tony cut him off.
"No, I'm sorry. But I have to get through this alone," Tony said. He tried to sound as stern as he could, even though he sounded like he was whimpering. His hand automatically laid upon where his womb was, where his child was. "I can't even… can't bring myself to let go…" He looked at the hand on his stomach. Yet, the strange thing was that he couldn't bring himself to think of the abortion option. "This is my mistake, and mine alone for forgetting to take the birth control pill before that heat. I… I let this happen, Vision. It's my fault."
'It's my fault to love him so much but have no courage to tell him. It's my fault to be so happy when he wanted to help me with the heat that I forgot the pill. It's my fault I can't just let this… thing… this child… our child… go even though I know that it will bring only chaos and more conflict.' That was what Tony didn't say, but he guessed that Vision might already know because the android' eyes were even softer.
Tony sighed, pulling himself into a sitting position with a terrible headache still cracking his skull. He knew Vision would never agree with his decision, but he knew that the android wouldn't deny his request.
Tony then weakly instructed Vision on what to buy. He needed pills to lessen the sickness that male omegas would have if they had no comfort from their mates. He heard that the pill wouldn't help much since it was for omegas whose mates would be away just a day or two. It was not meant for those who did not have mates. Yet it was still better than nothing.
The second thing Tony wanted Vision to buy was a beta-scent spray. This kind of spray was created for omegas to cover up their scents when their heats were near, to lessen the attention being directed to them from the change in their scents. It would made they smell almost like betas, which was what omegas mostly smelt like when they were not in heat. He could not risk anyone else knowing. He wasn't ready to tell anyone, let alone the public, that he was carrying Steve Rogers' child.
After Vision left to buy what he asked, Tony dragged himself to the shower. But when he came out of the bathroom, he still felt awful. Tony couldn't even bring himself to look at his reflection in the mirror.
He still remembered the phone Steve sent him. It was still locked in a drawer along with the letter. Half of him was considering if he should at least try to call, to check if Steve would answer him. But in the end he decided against it, afraid that he would end up crying instead.
He went to the lab and tried to calm himself down with all the tinkering he could do there. Tony knew he should eat, but just the smell of food made him want to throw up. So he decided to ignore the food until he stopped feeling nauseous every time he tried to eat something.
Tony worked and worked. He still felt the loneliness clinging onto him and eating him from the inside. He tried to tell himself to hang on, to wait until the pill arrived. He told himself he had to get through this even though the hormones and his instincts were going to break him before he could kill himself. He tried to ignore the panic that was slowly setting in. The panic and longing, the desperation and despair. The feeling of being abandoned, unwanted… unworthy.
Tony worked until he collapsed onto the floor, crying and clutching at his chest where his heart was. Then he picked himself up and began to work again, trying to busy his mind with the thought of new bio-prosthetic leg models.
However, in the back of his mind, he still wandered back to the start of the conflict. Tony knew that signing the Accords had its disadvantages. Steve was right when he stated that they might not be able to go to the place they were needed. It was true. Tony knew politics all too well, but he couldn't find en