I’m glad that you didn’t have to wait around the airport as long as I did before I left Bangkok, it was very long and boring.
I did get plenty of time to drink a lot of cold Beer though and think many things over about us and what future we might have had together.
I didn’t want us to just sit around together and talk for the last hours we had, you made it clear earlier that none of that’s that’s good enough for you.
I’m in love with you Sandy, but with that I have to accept that that’s not where you really are with me at all.
One one hand you write to me that you love me, yet when we were together any real affection only happened when I asked for it, even then very limited.
I remember the only moment you actually extended to me was when you wished me a good night and gave me one soft kiss before sleep.
You have said many times that you want to be understood by whoever you get to love; but you allow very little meaningful exposure of who you are to me.
For the 2 nights we were together I spend some time watching you asleep and loving the sight of you there with me.
It’s true to say that I really do enjoy your company with me, but I know that other than a way out of your financial problems I’m not really much more to you.
You said to me that you needed time, and didn’t want to fall in love with someone you weren’t sure of; and you certainly were reserved and controlled when we were together.
Sandy I’m a man who‘s full of affection, love and passion for the right Woman in my life.
I’ve already been in one loveless marriage and don’t want to be trapped in another one ever again.
When I got home yesterday afternoon all the Dogs here happily welcomed me home; when I walked out around the farm here this morning all my Horses ran up to greet me and be caressed, even animals feel affection and bond with someone who shows them kindness.
That’s the way I’m made Sandy, that’s the human environment I’ve always lived in.
I don’t know why you’re so withdrawn and shut down, and although I offered to do everything I can to help you, I doubt whether it will ever mean anything to you Sandy.
I don’t want to cause you any pain or disappointment, and I would like to keep in touch and communicate regularly with you; but I have come to believe that it’s you that should be extending yourself as well as me Sandy.