To join a family’s culture the therapist makes accommodating overtures—the sort of thing
we usually do unthinkingly, although not always successfully. If parents come for help with
a child’s problems, the therapist doesn't begin by asking for the child’s views. This conveys a
lack of respect for the parents and may lead them to reject the therapist. Only after the therapist has successfully joined with a family is it fruitful to attempt restructuring—the often dramatic confrontations that challenge families and force them to change.