Junmyeon didn’t understand why the war had to happen.
Sure, he was a doctor, and he was there to treat people, but that didn’t mean that he was fond of blood. If Junmyeon could be honest, he hated to see the people hissing and crying in pain. The male tilted his head to one side almost hopelessly as he gave it a deep thought.
Why did he have to live in such era...?
But if he didn’t, would he still meet Yifan...?
Or was it better if he just died along with his parents? That way, he wouldn’t have to think about all of these...these questions without answers.
But then Yifan would love someone else...
Junmyeon stared blankly at the patterned wallpaper. Kyungsoo had been sleeping over Jongin’s place for the last few days, so his house felt a bit...empty. Or was it because of the lack of furniture, Junmyeon wasn’t sure. Kyungsoo once said that the house needed to be redecorated, but Junmyeon was happy with the way the place was adorned. It reminded him of his late parents. Besides, they spent most of their time at the hospital so what good would a redecoration make?
“Hey.”
Junmyeon almost jumped at his boyfriend’s sudden voice and his face turned pale. “Yifan! You scared me!”
“Um, sorry? But I knocked and I knocked and I even called out your name,” Yifan said apologetically as he closed the door behind him. “I thought you were asleep.”
Junmyeon puffed his cheeks in dismay. He placed a hand over his chest, trying to slow down his heartbeat and sighed. “Sorry. I was just thinking...”
“Thinking?” Yifan leaned down to kiss Junmyeon’s forehead. “That is just so you.” He settled on the empty spot beside Junmyeon on the couch, and his boyfriend moved slightly to give him some space. “Oh, I almost forgot. Baekhyun said they’re holding the farewell party tomorrow night by the bar downtown.”
“Tomorrow night? And then you’ll leave?”
Yifan nodded. “And then I’ll leave in the morning.”
Junmyeon fell silent at that. Instead of replying, the beautiful male only grimly laced his fingers together and placed them lightly on his stomach.
“You know,” Yifan started as he gently took Junmyeon’s hand in his. Junmyeon still didn't look at him. “I didn’t think you cry. I mean, Jongin told me Kyungsoo was wailing for the last few days.”
Junmyeon glanced down to their hands on his lap. “I stopped crying ever since you scolded me.”
“I scolded—oh. Well, you were crying too much that time, and I just told you the truth. And I’m right, right? Even if you cry, your parents won’t go back to life...” Yifan scratched his nape apologetically. “You...really stopped crying because of that, babe...?”
Junmyeon nodded mutely.
“Shit. I should feel bad about it, but right now, I must be weird for thinking that you really loved me. You know, with the fact that you’re not crying.”
“Love,” Junmyeon corrected with a pout, letting himself be coaxed into Yifan’s arms. “And always will. Never doubt me for that.”
Yifan was smiling against his lips.
***
Everyone was dancing and laughing in the bar, but Junmyeon couldn’t do the same thing.
He didn’t understand why he and Kyungsoo were the only one who didn’t seem to enjoy the celebration. The other people who were in the room seemed to have a good time. Even Baekhyun.
It was obvious that Kyungsoo was sobbing in Jongin’s arms, hiding his face from everyone, while Junmyeon refused when Yifan asked him to dance. The beautiful male chose to sit on the stool with a glass of drink in his hand, examining the way Yifan’s friends dancing to the beat of the music. He realized that he didn’t know most of Yifan’s friends. The only people Junmyeon knew in the room were Chanyeol, Jongin, Baekhyun and Zitao.
At the mention of the last name, Junmyeon instinctively shifted closer to Yifan.
Yifan was standing with his elbows propped back on the counter, and Junmyeon took the opportunity to link his arm with Yifan’s. With their position, it was easy for him to rest his head against Yifan’s shoulder, and it got the taller male to look at him. Yifan pressed a light kiss against Junmyeon’s hair as he spoke.
“Do you want to go home?”
Junmyeon smiled gratefully. Yifan was definitely the only person who would understand him. “I’ll go if you go.”
Yifan shrugged. “Yeah, why not? Let’s take you home.”
“Will you leave after that...? You need to be prepared in the morning, right...”
Yifan didn’t reply. He held Junmyeon’s hand as they made their way to exit the place, and it was then that Junmyeon saw Baekhyun was crying. It was somewhat a proof that no matter how good of an actor someone was, but in the end, there must be a limit. The night was about to end, and the morning would soon come in a few hours.
Separation was inevitable.
How about death...?
Junmyeon caught Zitao’s eyes at him and he returned it with a smile and a wave of hand. Zitao only nodded politely at him with a fond stare. It made Junmyeon remember about what happened with Zitao a couple of days ago, and he intertwined his fingers with Yifan a bit too tightly the moment they stepped outside.
“...Zitao confessed to me, you know.”
“He did?” If anything, Yifan didn’t seem surprised at all. “I did wonder if he was going to.”
Junmyeon frowned disapprovingly as he nudged his boyfriend’s side. “What did you mean by that? Don’t tell me... You had something to do with it?”
“You know I would never do that,” Yifan gave him a look. “It’s just that...we’ve been told that this might be our last mission.”
Junmyeon’s heart sank and his throat went dry at the remark. He wanted to scream and flick his boyfriend's arm to stop being so mean. Junmyeon chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds before continuing. “It would be your last mission because... Because then there would be peace, and there’s no need for you to fight again.”
Yifan smiled bitterly, but he didn’t answer to that. They continued walking in silence, Yifan’s hand felt so warm in Junmyeon’s. Junmyeon rested his head on Yifan's arm, his arms were linking tightly together with the taller male's. After a long moment that seemed like forever, the taller of the two finally spoke.
“Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon didn’t reply because he had a feeling he wouldn’t like what was coming.
“If ever...” Yifan trailed off hesitantly. “Would you please...open your heart for Zitao...?”
Junmyeon shook his head stubbornly and pinched the inner part of Yifan’s arm. His boyfriend ouch-ed softly, but Yifan knew Junmyeon understood what he meant. Yifan ignored the act of protest he earned from Junmyeon and pointed at the dark sky.
“Look, Junmyeon. The stars are so beautiful.”
Yifan sincerely smiled at him. At first Junmyeon still refused to look at him, but then the beautiful male got a playful nudge and Junmyeon slowly glanced up in defeat. He became calm upon seeing the view above them. Yifan was right. Indeed, the stars were so beautiful, but they weren’t as beautiful if Yifan wasn’t in his life.
“Babe."
"Hm?"
"Just please remember me whenever you gaze at them, okay?”
Junmyeon felt his heart breaking when Yifan leaned down to kiss him.