Literally, my mind used to shut out parts of what happened to try and get me through until a time I was able to begin to deal with it....I stood up for myself,i started working,took up a job of a teacher,It wasn't easy ,it was a tough ride.While teaching in my class, I would be lost sometimes and the same man and his torture would flash back in front of my eyes.I would freeze while walking in the market,malls,just freeze. Tears dropped every time I used to see smiling girls,my heart felt happy but questioned "why have I missed this happy part of my childhood"?My religious side started questioning god and where was he when I was drowning in pain and guilt....Why didint he help when I was being raped?