let go of your defensiveness. if you want really reflect and understand do yourself better , you're going to need to think about parts of yourself that you really don't like and admit to some things you might not want to admit to. You'll be naturally defensive about admitting these kinds of thing to yourself, but if you're really goinng to understand how you work, then you're going to need to let go of that defensiveness. Even if you don't let those barriers down for other people, you at least have to let tham down for yourself