when you plant lettuce if it does not grow well you don blame the lettuce. you look into the reason it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer or more water or less sun. you never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them they will grow well like lettuce. blaming has no positive effect at all nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience.No blame no reasoning no argument just understanding.If you understand and you show that you understand you can love and the situation will change.
one day in Paris I gave a lecture about not blaming the lettuce.After the talk I was doing walking meditation by myself and when I turned the corner of a building I overheard an eight-year-old girl telling her mother Mommy remember to water me. I am your lettuce. I was so pleased that she had understood my point completely. Then I Heard her mother reply Yes my daughter and I am your lettuce also. So please don forget to water me too. Mother and daughter practicing together it was very beautiful.