Children who experience the divorce of their parents generally are more likely
to struggle socially compared to children from intact families. They are more likely to
be aggressive, have poorer relationships with same-age children, and have fewer close
friends.171 Also, these children and teenagers appear to be less involved in extracurricular
Research has found that children who are able to deal with their emotions experience
increased confidence, greater physical health, and better academic performance and social
relationships. Research by Dr. John Gottman has shown that principles of emotional intelligence
can even help children escape some of the consequences associated with marital
conflict, which may be particularly helpful for children whose parents are at the crossroads
of divorce.
The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Dr. John M. Gottman, with Joan DeClaire. New York: Fireside, 1997.
This book focuses on five principles of emotional intelligence that parents can use to help
children of any age master their emotions. These principles involve being aware of a child’s
emotions, recognizing emotional expression as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching,
listening empathetically and validating children’s feelings, labeling emotions in words a
child can understand, and helping children come up with an appropriate way to solve a
problem or deal with upsetting issues or situations.
Box 5.2 Book Highlight: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child82 Chapter 5: What are the Possible Consequences of Divorce for Children?
activities, such as sports or music, and other enrichment programs, such as after-school
classes or summer programs. This is likely due to less money to pay for such activities,
less availability of parents to drive the child and attend lessons and events, more frequent
moves, and visiting and custody schedules that interrupt participation in team sports and
other activities.