When we finally met again, my brother was drunk and had a woman beside him.
That person was a childhood friend of his from Buina Village, and he had married her.
I did not remember this person at all.
Though I remember vaguely that there was a person that stuck close to my little sister and her mother.
I had thought that she wasn't that type of person.
I thought that she would be something else. I felt that something was different.
My brother seemed happy.
When I saw that, my feelings of hatred began to well up within me.
My father did not lay his hands on any woman.
He said he was postponing that until he found my mother.
He never laid hands on my little sister's mother, nor did he lay hands on that woman who was always with him.
And yet.
And yet, my brother was a hypocrite.
I was filled with hatred.
But, I couldn't say anything.
Because I was afraid.
If, I said something, I thought I would get hit.
If my brother hit me, Ruijerd-san might have gotten angry.
When Ruijerd-san met my brother he seemed very happy.
Perhaps, he wouldn't get angry at all.
Perhaps instead he would get angry at me.
That he would tell me not to be selfish.
I couldn't say anything.
And then, that next day, Ruijerd-san left.
I thought that he would be with us forever.
I had thought that I didn't want him to disappear.
But, he left.
I became even more afraid.
In the house, my brother, my little sister, my brother's wife were there.
My little sister was in high spirits meeting my brother.
I thought that my brother's wife was a gentle person.
But, she was not my ally.
In this house, I had no allies.
Until my father came back, I had no choice but to live here in fear.
My little sister was affectionate towards my brother.
I was certainly not like that.
My little sister was pampered, and I was told to work harder.
My little sister said that I wasn't able to do things because I don't put effort into them.
But things that can't be done, can't be done.
No matter how well I do, no matter how hard I practised, I was no match for my little sister.
What was I supposed to do?
To make sure they wouldn't get angry with me, to make sure I wouldn't be compared to my sister, I lived like I was in hiding.
I was afraid of being thrown out of the house into the snow.