Saiful* is a 33-year-old gay male who is Malay. Members of the Malay ethnic group basically have no choice in their religion. They are raised Muslim and are expected to follow its principles. He identifies himself as a liberal Muslim, someone who practices his religion sparingly.
Does your family know about your orientation? If yes, how are they about it? Are they accepting? Is it a secret from others?
I am not out of the closet with my family. Though they have an inkling about me because I am 33 and have no girlfriend. They know I am close to a lot of guy friends through the years. I often sleep over at some of their homes. In my 20s, my family did ask whether I had a girlfriend or was interested in marriage and such, but nowadays my mother and father do not touch on the topic anymore. Relatives are usually the most persistent ones who never fail to ask: “So when is your time? When is the big day? Bila lagi (When)? Ada calon, tak? (Do you have any suitors?). A couple of my gay Malay friends also experience such inquisitions during family get-togethers at Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Eid), weddings, and other communal Malay gatherings.
Do you feel that you are able to be “out” in your daily life, or are you only able to be open with close friends?
Depends on where I am. At the office, being gay is an accepted norm as I am in the creative/media line. So most people at my workplace know about my sexual orientation. Generally, outside the office I do not portray myself as gay, or at least try to not do so. I like to go to the gay clubs in KL, like Blue Boy in Bukit Bintang (that’s a really old, run-down place, but it has survived the best and worst of times, unlike many other flash-in-the-pan gay clubs in KL). I bring my boyfriend to Blue Boy sometimes, and he enjoys it because he is still new to the gay world and likes to see what it’s like. I go cruising at KL sauna/spas and the two cruising Lake parks in Kelana Jaya and Tasik Permaisuri in Cheras.
In this sense, I am only “out” with my close friends. And of course I can be myself with my boyfriend.
What is life like for gays in Malaysia?
I like to describe it as “thriving but we have to keep up with appearances”. Of course in urban areas such as KL, gay men and women can be as out as they want. Just as long as they don’t cause trouble and do not disturb the system. Malay Muslims in Malaysia are still generally very conservative. It is still a very conservative community, despite of what people say. So to be gay and Muslim and a Malay requires a lot of tact. It also depends on what his/her line of work is. For me in my life, I am open to friends and colleagues, but I keep up appearances when I meet other people, as interviewing people is part of my job scope.
Sodomy is still against the law in Malaysia, so that is quite clear cut. But the religious state laws, which apply only to Muslims, varies from state to state and usually concern dressing up like a member of the opposite sex, or holding events that have “immoral” things such as drag-like performances. Yes sodomy is a sin in Islam, but prosecution in this offence (as with adultery or fornication offences) requires substantial personal evidence. As far as I understand, one needs at least 4 witnesses to prosecute a Muslim offender of fornication/adultery/sodomy.
I know there was a party in northern state Kedah, some years back, that created headlines because the state Islamic religious authority found out it had drag-show like elements in the party.
My boyfriend and I once checked into a cheap hotel and personnel from the religious authority knocked on our door to check on offenders for khalwat (close proximity). I was very scared, because I am not confident about stuff and feared they might find fault at our being in the same room together. But my boyfriend asked me to hide in the bathroom. When the religious personnel found out there were only 2 guys in the room, instead of finding a guy with a girl, they left.
I believe there was another incident of a reforming-style camp in Terengganu state, or someplace else, for guys who dressed up as women (referred to in the Malay slang as Mak Nyah). I forget the objective of the camp, but it was not that ultra-religious in nature. A deputy minister had also last year condoned a parents conference that, among other things, included a discussion on how to identify youths with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) tendencies. It created an uproar among people as the deputy minister, who also launched the event, agreed to the topics at the talk, one of which was that gay men could be identified by a penchant for wearing V-neck T-shirts, carrying large handbags, wearing light-coloured outfits, and sleeveless shirts. Gay women were identifiable by their habit of hanging out with women all times of the day and night, the conference was noted. I thought the conference and what the deputy minister said was ridiculous as there are many many “closeted” men and women in Malaysia, who look and act like the normal everyday guy/girl. You can find these men cruising in the dark rooms of bathhouses on weekends, or the dark corners of cruising spots in KL.
I suppose the worst off among the gay community are the transvestites and transgender people in Malaysia, as their appearances are more apparent than their “straight-acting” counterparts. I have met many and worked with a couple in a theatre troupe I joined while working in Kedah. I can say their lifestyle is more difficult as they need to make ends meet while putting up with the stigma that still exists for people like them. Of course, their hardships are also related in some ways by their socioeconomic situation and educational backgrounds. But I still regard them as good friends who are just like me. They only look and act differently. They are Malay Muslims also but because they are from the heartland, jobs for them only consist of the typical bridal/wedding planner line, food and beverage or hospitality industries. Though there are many many successful crossdressers and transvestites in the cities, involved in various fields, appearance is still a big problem for them when it comes to finding their place in society, which is a sad thing.
So keeping up appearances is still a big deal in Malaysia I would think, that is if you want to thrive in some sort of way. Thrive in the conventional sense, I suppose. But the advent of social media and smartphone apps like Grindr, Wechat, and others enables gay men to socialise in a more efficient but still private manner. In the late 90s to mid-2000s, Malaysian netizens loved using online chat software like MIRC or the relay chat things. I used to chat on this and exchange photos and phone numbers to get dates. I lost my virginity to a guy I met on one of these online dating sites, which had a high gay following in Malaysia..
One of my friend says there are a few seemingly gay-friendly commercial spots in KL. Pavilion shopping centre seems to be frequented by much of the liberal gay men of the city, and I heard that the younger set of these men have been seen holding hands at the mall, though I am sure those are isolated cases. A restaurant in Bandar Sri Permaisuri in Cheras, which is near to the cruising lake, is also considered an eatery for gay men. I forget the name but is within the vicinity of the old town and Dominos Pizza in the area.