Women talk to explore problems, but men do not. Instead, men talk to fix problems. This can sometimes cause problems between the sexes. Janet West, a freshman in college, remembers encountering this issue with a male friend recently. “I told my friend Derek about a problem I was having with my parents. He immediately came up with possible solutions to the problem. Being told how to fix the problem was kind of frustrating because it wasn’t what I was looking for. I asked him to stop trying to fix the problem and try talking with me about it instead. He seemed completely confused and said, ‘Why bother talking about a problem unless you’re trying to find a solution to it?”
Another way in which men and women differ is in the way they listen. Research has shown that men tend to place all of their attention on one thing at a time, but women do not. Instead, women commonly divide their attention between a number of things at once and make connections between these different things. Since this comes so easily to women, they are sometimes frustrated when men struggle to do this. For example, a common complaint among women is that when a man is watching television, he often doesn’t hear a question asked by the person sitting right beside him. Sakura Kumi has witnessed this many times in her house. Sakura says, “My mother used to get so frustrated trying to get my father’s attention while he was watching TV, and I did too. So she got into the habit of standing in front of the TV and saying, ‘Hiroshi, I’m about to ask you a question.’ It’s become sort of a family joke.”
Research has shown that these communication differences can be partially explained by the different ways in which the male and female brains are structured and wired. For example, the left side of the brain, where logic and literal thinking are processed, tends to be stronger in men. Meanwhile, women tend to think with the right side, which is where comprehension is processed. The female brain also has more connections between the right and left side, so their thought process is likely to be more complex and sophisticated.
Research has also shown that the different ways that boys and girls are raised have a significant impact on how they communicate. Girls are raised to be more sociable and to recognize and be sensitive to the feelings of others. On the other hand, boys are taught to be more direct and goal-oriented. Being raised in such different ways is bound to create two different styles of communication.
While the differences in the way men and women communicate can sometimes cause confusion, these differences are also what help make women and men such good partners. The strengths and weaknesses of one gender balances out those of the other. This balance is what makes the relationship between women and men so rich, interesting, and satisfying.
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