The conversation moved on to other things. It took me awhile to absorb the feedback, but at Antioch I began to understand why I made people uneasy. The “mark of the outcast” was real, but I could control it. I became conscious of moving my eyes and not letting them stare at a person or an object.
At Antioch, feedback was frequently given, requested, and received. Many students had been through encounter, sensitivity, and other forms of therapy. Through listening to the comments of my peers, I learned that certain aspects of my appearance made it difficult for others to relate to me. I tilted my head slightly. In order to look at something, I often moved my head and entire body instead of my eyes. To repress my hyperactivity, I held my muscles rigid. I was often startled and would make sudden movements. These were the visible signs of the dysfunction of my central nervous system. They were not obvious, yet people registered them in their subconscious mind. They often said they could feel a “strong aura”, a “force field” around me. Students told me that I “tried to hard” and “looked nervous.” During my years at college, I learned to control my body. This helped me make a good first impression.