No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere ofdistrust, anger, and vulnerability.
Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about howsomeone's actions made you feel
Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.
Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint or
your feelings about it willprevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings.
Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive.It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ.Try to deal with problems as they arise.
Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other,
frustration and anger can result. Positive results can only be attained with twowaycommunication.
Source: The Counseling& Mental Health Center at The University of Texas at Austin
Managing and resolving conflict by learning how to listen
When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of theproblem. When we listen for what is felt as well as said, we connect more deeply to our ownneeds and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us,informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us.
Tips for being a better listener:
• Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset.
• Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his or her point ofview.
• Repeat the other person’s words, and ask if you have understood correctly.
• Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before answering.
• Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other person has said
everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and understood his or
her message.