These stories are awesome and I agree that it's a challenge for both men and women, but my experience has changed my life for the better for sure. I was a very good dad before my divorce and I became a great dad afterward.
I got full custody and my kids were older when the process began (it took, all in all, about 4 years to get divorced!). Unfortunately for the kids, their mother chose her own vengeance over their well being so it stayed in the extremely dysfunctional domestic court system for way too long. As flawed as the system is, it truly was her anger and intelligent manipulation of the system that failed us. Three falsified domestic violence injunctions were only the tip of the iceberg. The fact that I got full custody as a man pretty much clarifies where the issues were. But it was no slam dunk. As one of the other guys said, the system is set up in favor of the women. I get that, but society has changed and the courts need to acknowledge this. Having said that, with two girls, I want the system to protect them. It just needs to consider different angles.
I needed to set this story up like this because what happened for me was an epiphany of sorts. Every time things became challenging and my kids would ask me "why" or say "it's not fair", I found myself presented with an opportunity to teach them a life lesson. I also knew deep down inside that if I took the high road that they would figure everything out for themselves. It wasn't easy, but it worked. Kids are way smarter than we think and there is no need to defend yourself or make accusations of the other party. As a matter of fact both of those things just make you look like an idiot and unless you are guilty, there is nothing to defend anyway.
I was able to take them to all their after school activities, made it to every game and most practices, every recital and show and experienced every seminal moment with them as they grew up. Working around their schedules was challenging, but also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I lost millions in the process, both real dollars and opportunity dollars, and I am starting over financially. It's OK. I can't think of another father that I know who is closer to his kids or experienced more of his children's lives.