Today we will going to discuss about this paragraph. Ok let’s start with topic. In my opinion, this topic is inappropriate because topic shouldn’t write briefly. What it should be?
I think it should be red wine versus white wine.
I agree with you, that is a great idea.
And next, what do you think about topic sentence.
I think this topic sentence is so confused. I’m not sure what the writer want to say.
I think it should rewrite only in the begin of sentence. I’m not sure who are new to wine. It maybe sommelier right? What’ about you.
Yeah I mean it. I think it should rewrite by people who are want to be sommelier. Something like that.
Now it’s so amazing. How cloud you do that?
It’s so easy. Don’t worry about that .It time to move on next point. Thesis statement.
Ok Um… In this point, it is suitable. Don’t have something wrong. Do you all agree?
I agree.
Ok skip to next point.
On the body paragraph, there are 3 major details to compare between red wine and white wine. Ok let’s analyze it.
In the fact major detail line 7 it have unrelated sentence.
Which sentence?
That is “and sometime even their skin” next major detail.
The second major detail. The writer compared the color of wine. But in line 8,9,10,and11 it isn’t related to color of wines. The writer should write new major detail to put it in.
Ok let’s move on next point third major detail.
In this point I think there is not topic sentence.
I agree with you. The writer should write topic sentence for make the reader easy to understand.
Does anyone have anything?
I have some suggestion. Maybe this paragraph would be a good paragraph. If the writer conclude this paragraph.
And fixed some grammar. In line 6and8 word red wine shouldn’t have alphabet
So we have decided this paragraph will be good one. If writer put unrelated sentence out, and conclude this paragraph.