When you ask serious questions you have to see other persons eyes. Eyes tell if the answer is true or not or almost true.
When you visit me next spring... I will get all the answers I need. Then I make final desicion. Not before.
What I ask you now is irrelevant. You can answer anything. Just like I can. I am not saying you are. I am not saying I am.
All I care about now is that you are there and I can write to you every day. Of course there is many things I would like to do for you but cannot.
What you did in the past is also irrelevant because if you move to Finland you will be "born again". You can leave your past behind.