It's totally fine. And generic. It's what everyone says. Don't be afraid to step outside the box if there is something unique about you. It's usually better to include a special skill as opposed to only listing personality traits. Do you know sign language? Do you have a "knack" for diffusing situations with challenging people?
I would get rid of the word "perfectionist." Most experienced managers see that as a euphemism for "anal retentive."