The essence of Tannen's research is that men use talk to emphasize status, whereas women use it to create connection. Her conclusion, of course, doesn't apply to every man or every women. As she puts it, her generalization means "a larger percentage of women or men as a group talk in a particular way, or individual women and men are more likely to talk one way or the other.
Tannen states that communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. Intimacy emphasizes closeness and commonalities. independence emphasizes separateness and differences. But here's the kick : women speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy; men speak and hear a language of status, power, and independence. So, for many men, conversations are primarily a means to preserve independence and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. For many women, conversations are negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support. A few examples will illustrate Tannen's thesis:
Men frequently complain that women talk on and on about their problems. Women criticize men for not listening. What's happening is that when men hear a problem, they frequently assert their desire for independence and control by offering solutions. Many women, on the other hand, view telling a problem as a means to promote closeness. The women present the problem to gain support and connection. not to get the man's advice.
The essence of Tannen's research is that men use talk to emphasize status, whereas women use it to create connection. Her conclusion, of course, doesn't apply to every man or every women. As she puts it, her generalization means "a larger percentage of women or men as a group talk in a particular way, or individual women and men are more likely to talk one way or the other.
Tannen states that communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. Intimacy emphasizes closeness and commonalities. independence emphasizes separateness and differences. But here's the kick : women speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy; men speak and hear a language of status, power, and independence. So, for many men, conversations are primarily a means to preserve independence and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. For many women, conversations are negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support. A few examples will illustrate Tannen's thesis:
Men frequently complain that women talk on and on about their problems. Women criticize men for not listening. What's happening is that when men hear a problem, they frequently assert their desire for independence and control by offering solutions. Many women, on the other hand, view telling a problem as a means to promote closeness. The women present the problem to gain support and connection. not to get the man's advice.
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