In the case of Elsy, she was unable to stay with the grief when her father died. She cried spontaneously at the funeral but from the second day she was busy with her work, smiling as usual. Suppressed sadness and grief can turn into self-pity. Another example is of Mary, a young novice. Her mother died when Mary was a six month-old baby. Her aged grandmother brought her up as well as she could. Now, as novice, Mary is very sensitive to any feedback in the form of correction and cries often. Ever since Mary can remember she has heard people pity her: "poor child, she has no mother." Her neighbours and relatives have made her feel that she has to be pitied. The sympathetic formator too can make the mistake of affirming this self-pity in Mary. It is true that Mary has missed many things which a mother alone could give, but unless she realises that she is wallowing in self-pity (not grief) she will not be able to make a shift toward emotional maturity.