Dear Su !
I have found your recent messages at I-phone. And again I may write "you are wrong". You are only 41 years, not too old woman to be happy in life. And at the beginning of our time you told me something like this: " Wojtek, you have awaken expectations that I might be happy again". And I really have tried to make this time to be happy for you. But it seams that you have rejected this chance. You expected me to declare that I want to stay with you forever. How could you expect such declaration ? We do not know each other. We even can not communicate with basic informations, as you can not speak English. So, on which basis do you expect any man could promise you to stay with you "forever". To stay together, two people should be close each other not only fisically but alo (and especially !) mentally.
I have tried to make you happy at least for short time. I tried to be nice to you and to do whatever you liked to do. That is why I decided to go with you to Khorat. It was for you and for them, that I accepted the idea to visit Sommai and Jurek. But your mood was from day to day different. Howw could you expect to persuade any man to stay with you longer, when you do not want "to give" first. You expect serious declaration from the very beginning. Please understand that at the beginning it is necesary to give other person your own declaration "I want you, I want to be with you". If the partner will see your serious declaration, he could more easily to become closer and closer to you. You still have got a lot of chances to be happy in life. But first you shall give something. You have to invest your feelings to be rewarded in future ! Look at Sommai and Jurek. She gave him everything which she could, hoping only (without serious chances) to stay with him. And these days Jurek has changed his mind. Earlier he did not want to stay with her for permanent. And Today I may say, they have a good chance to stay together for long. She won him, because he understand Today that no other girl could do so much for him as she has done (and is ready to do for him in future). She invested her feelings, and most probably she will win life partner.
You also have got a chance. You are still young. But you should want to be happy in future, and help your "would be" happiness, investing your feelings into any man you hope could give you this happiness. There is no ther way ! It is risky way, but nothing is given "for sure".
I wish you all the best, you deserve it but do not be selfish. Being together is sharing with partner good but also bad moments.