Children Witnessing Parental Violence
The psychic pain and debilitating effects, both short- and long-term, experienced by children who witness parental violence frequently goes unnoticed by others. These children are also the victims of domestic violence, even though they may not be direct targets of the abuse. They are being maltreated, whether intentionally or unintentionally, by incapacitating inattention, indifference, and/or neglect of their developmental well-being. Observations of such cruelty between loved ones can produce enduring emotional and psychological scars of such great magnitude that children who are exposed to domestic violence (in this case, parental violence against another parent) are traumatically harmed by these acts. Their feelings and emotional responses often go unnoticed, and the enormity of their distress is overlooked or disregarded as attention is focused on the battered and the batterer. Yet their suffering and damage can be extensive, when lingering memories of violence between their parents become long-lasting burdens. Their lives, from a young age, are vulnerable to continuous dread and expectations of spontaneous terror and danger. In reaction, trust and unquestioning devotion to the parental bond and other important relationships frequently become shaken and unstable. These children, as innocent victims, too frequently carry the punishing marks of parental conflict through many trying years to come, even into adulthood.
Estimates of the number of children who witness domestic violence annually in the United States vary greatly. A Harvard Medical School report (Harvard Mental Health Letter 2004) cites between two and three million; an earlier study (Horton, Cruise, Graybill, and Cornett 1999), from three to ten million. When considering how many domestic violence occurrences go unreported, the greater number may be considered more accurate. It is likely that for many years, a vast number of children were negatively affected by these events and most went unattended. But there also is evidence of resilient children—those whose external supports, internal resources, and adaptive coping mechanisms have counteracted the expected emotional wounds of witnessing parental violence. The strengths of these children provide hope that many more can be helped to learn to avoid the anticipated fate of those less strong and hence less fortunate.