The loss of a mother
The women in this study emphasized one theme over all others,
which was the importance of a mother. One woman told about a
conversation with her GP, with whom she was very satisfied:
But when he asked me about it . then I broke down in tears .
because then he touched the main theme. Because in my mind-set
following my mother’s death, so many things have been different
than I wish they were, and this does not appear on the surface. And
therefore I have such a hope that one day things will stabilize, and
in a way, calm down so that I can experience more joy in my life
than . than all the after-effects after my mother died.
The above quote mentions the loss of a mother as “the main
theme.” Though none of the other women explicitly states this as
the main theme, it is apparent throughout the interviews that this
is indeed a main theme for all of them. In this particular quote the
woman underpins several aspects of the importance of a mother
that is prevalent in many of the interviews: how the sorrow of the
loss of amother has been there throughout her life, how it has been
suppressed and hidden under the surface, how it still influences her
life, and how she is hoping for a future where the after-effects of the
loss of her mother will calm down. The latter part is closely related
to the other main finding, “dealing with genetic cancer risk,” as the
importance of the women’s own experiences with the loss of their
mothers influences their own ways of dealing with cancer risk.
All the women expressed that the loss of their mothers had
caused great sorrow.
Two of the women had lost their mothers when they were
children and expressed how this had influenced their childhood.
One of them stated:
I think that there has been so much pain in my life . just because
my mother died so early . and I feel that there have been many
things that have been very hurting . Because it is a part of what
has been bad for me . to be much alone, because I have not had a
mother who has taken care of me, like other girls experience.
Losing a mother at an early age, as this woman experienced, is
portrayed as a devastating experience. In the above quote the
woman tells how losing her mother has resulted in a sense of
loneliness and a sorrow relating to the fact that she never had a
mother who was there for her. This is also seen as something that
has caused grief throughout this woman’s life.
The other interviewed women had lost their mothers as adults.
All of them reported feelings of a great loss and sorrow in their
lives. One woman, who was 33 years of age when her mother died
of ovarian cancer, expressed how the sorrowwas related to her own
role as a mother. The sister of the woman gave birth to a child when
their mother had died three months earlier. She cried as she told
about her mother and her mother’s sister, who both died of ovarian
cancer:
But it was such a great sorrow losing my mother when one has
small children, because this is the time you need a mother most.
In this quote the woman expresses how the loss of a mother
resulted in a lack of security when one gives birth to a child, as well
as a significant source of support and advice when bringing up a
child.
For the interviewed women the loss of their motherswas clearly
seen as a sorrow, but none of the interviewed women expressed
that they were depressed. For instance, when one woman was
asked if she had been depressed after the loss of her mother, she
gave the following response:
I have never been. I do not have that kind of monotonous feeling. I
think I will never be like that. It is just that when I talk about my
mother and my mother is dead, it always is difficult . she was 34
and I was 1.5 years when she got ill and died 3 months later.
This woman states that even though she has not been
depressed, it is still difficult to talk about it. This is something that
several of the interviewed women touch upon. The women do not
express depression, but there is a vulnerability that still lingers
within them.
Another woman’s quote shows how she has kept her feelings
inside her:
I feel that e in a way e I have not cried out really.because I am a
person who can keep it [her family history] inside me.
Alongside their own sorrows and feelings around the loss of
their mothers, another significant part in these women’s experiences
was the realization that knowledge of family history had
disappeared with the death of their mother. Several of the interviewed
women felt that, in a way, they had lost their history when
their mothers died of cancer at an early age. The following quotation
speaks to this notion:
Also, for my children.my mother had the history of the family.
my father had not . Then we sold [the house], and we lost . the
strength of a mother.
The above quotations speak to how the participants’ own confrontations
with a genetic cancer risk brought forward reflections
regarding the loss of their mothers. The women clearly missed
what a mother may represent. They also appeared to miss the security
of their mothers when their own children were growing up.
Lastly, the participants felt that part of their family history had been
erased upon the deaths of their mothers.