Hello, I wanted to send a message out to you and let you know that I no longer wish to ordain to be a monk and I think it would be beneficial for me to leave this environment. Before I ordained to become a novice, I had slight uncertainties about the process and until today, I feel like there are still so many questions left unanswered. I knew that I would not want to stay a monk, but I ultimately did this for you, because you seemed to really want me to go. I kept myself positive and figured I could at least gain some valuable insight and wisdom from those around me and be able to experience and learn the true values of buddhism. By the end of the second day, I immediately knew that this wasn't what I had expected. I have witnessed many things that I did not want to believe. Things that absolutely astonish me. Things that completely contradict what it means to be a buddhist, and things that completely contradict what it means to be a good human being. Some of the people who come here are fake. They are liars. They are people that Buddha himself would not call 'Buddhists' under any circumstances. I wanted to leave a while ago, but stayed because I thought about how much it seemed to mean to you. Unfortunately, I don't feel that I can do that anymore. As of right now, I still do not know why I'm here. I have not gained a single ounce of knowledge whether it be life values or buddhism in general. In fact, the only thing I have learned is that the people here are not good role models. They are not people I want to follow or be around. I have felt like I have been forced to adopt a religion and culture that does not align with my views. I have felt forced to to put on a mask and to say everything is okay when it is not. I have felt forced to learn how to say things rather than why to say things. And I have felt forced to believe that this was all for my own benefit. That being said, I in no means wish to disrespect the culture and I especially l do not wish to disrespect you. But to shine light on this situation, I want to respect myself and say this is not who I am. I am not happy here because I feel like I am being forced into become someone I am not. I tried very hard to take this all in, I genuinely tried. But this is proving to be something that I cannot continue doing. I have set my mind on leaving within the next 2 days and just wanted to let you know before I proceeded.
Hello, I wanted to send a message out to you and let you know that I no longer wish to ordain to be a monk and I think it would be beneficial for me to leave this environment. Before I ordained to become a novice, I had slight uncertainties about the process and until today, I feel like there are still so many questions left unanswered. I knew that I would not want to stay a monk, but I ultimately did this for you, because you seemed to really want me to go. I kept myself positive and figured I could at least gain some valuable insight and wisdom from those around me and be able to experience and learn the true values of buddhism. By the end of the second day, I immediately knew that this wasn't what I had expected. I have witnessed many things that I did not want to believe. Things that absolutely astonish me. Things that completely contradict what it means to be a buddhist, and things that completely contradict what it means to be a good human being. Some of the people who come here are fake. They are liars. They are people that Buddha himself would not call 'Buddhists' under any circumstances. I wanted to leave a while ago, but stayed because I thought about how much it seemed to mean to you. Unfortunately, I don't feel that I can do that anymore. As of right now, I still do not know why I'm here. I have not gained a single ounce of knowledge whether it be life values or buddhism in general. In fact, the only thing I have learned is that the people here are not good role models. They are not people I want to follow or be around. I have felt like I have been forced to adopt a religion and culture that does not align with my views. I have felt forced to to put on a mask and to say everything is okay when it is not. I have felt forced to learn how to say things rather than why to say things. And I have felt forced to believe that this was all for my own benefit. That being said, I in no means wish to disrespect the culture and I especially l do not wish to disrespect you. But to shine light on this situation, I want to respect myself and say this is not who I am. I am not happy here because I feel like I am being forced into become someone I am not. I tried very hard to take this all in, I genuinely tried. But this is proving to be something that I cannot continue doing. I have set my mind on leaving within the next 2 days and just wanted to let you know before I proceeded.
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